Truth vol #01

Different Kinds Of Boobs Joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

Fear Of Panties

     Attention ALL guys out there in Internet land - Don't EVER be afraid of panties.  Panties can't hurt you.  Not that I know of anyway.  But, I know a lot of guys who are very scared of panties.  And that is so sad to me.  As a matter of fact I have a few friends that won't even go into the pantie section at the store.  
     I, on the other hand, happen to love the pantie section.  I enjoy buying my lady's panties.  It's sexy to me.  Hell, sometimes I even wear them damn things.  You should try it, they are fkn comfy as hell.  Plus your man business looks really great in them.

Fat Bottomed Girls

I'm a chubby chaser, I know that I am.
And, really man, I don't even fully know why I am.
I guess it's just that I love their big soft belly's and huge, full breasts.
Not to mention,
their big 'ol healthy butts, thick thighs, and all of the rest.
Now, I have had sex with some fit women before.
Hell, one of them was almost as thin as Skeletor.

The Motion Of The Ocean

     Sex can put a ton of pressure on us guys.  I really don't think the ladies know just how much pressure there really is on us men when it comes to sex.  Sometimes guys can get very serious performance anxiety because it's just so damn stressful.  Especially the first time your with a girl.  Forget about it, OMG, that can be super fkn scary. 
     The main reason it's so stressful and scary is because we really want to do a good job so we can get a return engagement not to mention a good review.  We have to give 110% that first time because we may not ever get a second chance and, we really want that second chance because, that means more sex for us.  So, God forbid we blow it, because she not only won't give us anymore lovin', but she could also totally ruin us socially and humiliate us among her female friends, not to mention on Facebook. 
     So really it's like having sex with all her friends at the same time without getting to have sex with all her friends because they are all going to hear all about your strong or lack thereof.  So, there is a ton on the line once the panties drop and the action starts.  It's like and audition, or the world's most naked job interview.

Big Butts

     I like big butts, and like Sir Mix-a-Lot, and George Washington before him, I also cannot lie.  The lying parts similarity was for George.  I'm not sure if he liked big butts but I know he supposedly could not lie so, if he did, he'd tell you.  Now, Sir Mix-a-Lot, was pretty clear about the fact that he did.
     Like Sir, when a girl walks in with a little bitty waist and that round thing in your face, I also get sprung.  Also like Sir, I disagree with Cosmo's beauty image completely.  Those girls look hungry.  They don't look like they could handle my strong.  You could knock them girls over with a feather.
     I need a girl who 1, has an ass I can really get a hold of and, 2 can support my weight.  The last thing I need when I'm putting in my grind work in is to shatter her ribs with my big ass.  Plus, them skinny b*tches look like they'd probably get tired on you really quick.  That is, unless coke was involved but, even then, they'd still need to be on top.

Arguing With Women

      Women are amazing.  They can be loving and sweet, but watch out, because they can also be vicious and evil.  Don't get me wrong, Women are great but, they can also be fkn brutal.  Not all of them I'm sure some are 100% sweet.  The demons are just probably all the ones I've ever met.  My wife being the exception.  My babies is great but, I bet If, god forbid, we had a falling out, I'd see her inner demon come out too.  Women can be ridiculously cruel and quite a few are also just downright crazy and completly irrational.

     I'll tell you this much, they are all definitely frustrating as hell to argue with.  Any woman can start a fight with you about absolutely nothing and by the end of it they can not only win it but also convince you that the whole damn thing was your fault.  Every single lady I've ever known was like a fkn ninja at arguing.  Not because they are right, most of the time they are dead wrong, it's because they are genetically gifted arguers.

     All women are just born with that gift.  It's in their DNA, a gift and talent passed down from mother to daughter since probably the beginning of time.  They can start a fight with you about nothing and also pull off blaming the entire thing on you because by the end of the fight you are just so damn confused and flustered that you don't even remember what the hell started it or what y'all we're even talking about, much less why it was that you were right way back when it all began.

     Women win these made up fights all the time.  From what I've learned and observed over the years their strategy goes something like this..,

The Vagina Trap

     Something has been really bothering me.  I recently watched a nature show on the Praying Mantis and ever since I've been wanting to know...  How good must Praying Mantis sex be to die for it?  They have to know she's killing them right after.  Word has to have gotten around the male Praying Mantis community.  Yet they still do it anyway.

     I think that basically sums up all species of men in general though really.  We're all stupid and just led around blindly by our penises.  We're really that simple. Women have quite a racket going and I think they know it too.
     They act like they don't but, I think on some level, they have always known it.  A vagina is a powerful and dangerous thing.  It creates life, starts wars, and just generally drives men completely stupid.

Laughing News, Breaking Update, 9/28/12

It's very clear that we love us some white trash here at Laughing at Life 2.  They're just endlessly entertaining.  Even if your not white trash though Being White Is Hard.  If you don't think so click that link and find out how wrong you are.  Money's tight so here is a Budget Sex Game for you from us.  Enjoy.  Even though our economy is busted we as a people are still growing in girth.  Click here to find out How Fat Are We Going To Get.  Or check out our latest one Mullets, Bumper Stickers and Fat Chicks in Tight Clothes, about Hicks and just plain old Stupid People.  Plus don't forget these Laughing at Life 2 favorites...Hicks Are Scary, and another favorite, Nascar, The Sport of Trash. 

Women are another thing we love here but, who doesn't?  Women are amazing.  They're beautiful, they drive you wild, and they make you crazy.  They're nuts but, I love 'Em.  Read our latest piece, Girls Love Drama, or the other great jokes from Laughing at Life 2 like, Harpo's Cakes, It Says 'Juicy' on YOUR Butt?, When Will Women Listen, and Fat Cheating Whore.  Plus my favorite, Strong, Hard Wiener - You Gotta Give Her Enough. 

Girls Love Drama

Drama.

The constant female pursuit of their precious life source, drama, is never ending. Whether real or manufactured they have to have it regularly to survive.

Girls love their drama. Everything's gotta be a production. Any emotion felt strongly enough and "Ready on the set!" the curtains swing wide open to present the star of the saddest production to hit your house since the last one ended ten minutes ago.

Ready or not its, Lights, camera, tears, and absolutely zero action. So strap in, grab your aspirin, and turn off the damn football game because the show has begun...

Laughing News, Breaking Update, 9/13/12

Keeping track of everything is hard.



We know here at Laughing News how busy you are and how hard it is to keep up with all the great jokes and wisdom shared here at Laughing at Life 2 so we want to help you.  A lot of funny stuff has happened here you need to check out.  First lets talk about the newest 'Last to the Party'. The Siri Argument video is hilarious and you should click this link now and go watch it.  Another recent comedy goldmine here is Laughing News vol4 with great hilarious news for you so click here for that.  We have also done many great tribute pieces and articles like, Joe Motherfing Pesci Y'all, NEWS FLASH - Tiger Woods is just a man, plus great pieces on Howard Stern and my hero in comedy Bill Hicks.

Women don't need us.  That's really scary cuz we do need them. 

Laughing at Life 2 loves women and we show it with great jokes dedicated to the girls.  Our tribute piece to females, Let the panties hit the floor shows this love.  We also try to educate our readers with our informative piece, Strong, Hard Wiener - You gotta give her enough.  We even emphasize the dangers in our piece on Female Orgasm Equipment which is important because guys, we are replaceable.  And, let us not forget, our beautiful piece against breast cancer Me, On Breasts.

It Says 'Juicy' On YOUR Butt?!?

I like bigger girls. I feel I need to start by clarifying that. I have nothing but love for all types of women. I'm a huge fan of the whole female gender. Short to tall and thin to large. I love my girls.
That being said, if your a big girl put some thought into your clothes. This goes for my cougars out there too. know what you can and can't pull off clothing wise. This seems like a givin but most girls struggle with this.

For this blog I'm going after the trend of words on the butt of girls pants/shorts...

Laughing News, Breaking Update, 8/20/12

Tyler realized at an early age that the world was full of A-Holes

I agree with Tyler, people suck.  Here are a few great hilarious examples of important jokes you can read to learn more.  Click here for our expose on A-Hole drivers, 'Drive it like you stole it'., Also click this link to read, 'Monumental Lies vol1', a hilarious piece on the lie that communication is the key to a happy relationship., You can also and should also read these two hilariously informative pieces on marriage, 'Fat Cheating Whore', and 'Evil Ex-Wife'

Yee-Haw!!!

It's hard to see past all the tacky white trash but there is actually a cool gun in this picture.  Also just past the skank you'll see what seems to be two hicks and one is clearly holding the main ingredient in the hillbilly diet, cheap beer.  If you want to avoid rolling over and seeing a 'girl' like this in your very own bed click here to read our expose on the dangers of 'Beer Goggles'.  For even more hilarious information on hicks read these other important pieces, First we have our diffinitive piece on hicks, 'Hicks are Scary' right here, then you should also check out this great piece on their favorvite "sport", Nascar, the sport of trash' by clicking this link, Plus theres even this great redneck piece, 'Big rigs on the highway - 18 wheels and 7 teeth. 

Click below for more..,

Conversation with a Scammer,

     The Internet can be a very, very, very fun place.  I know I waste most of my life there.  The Internet is a useful tool and it's filled with absolutely everything you could ever possibly want to see, know and look at.  It's also a really great way to communicate and stay in touch with your friends and family, and even a much more efficient and environmental way to receive your mail.  Plus, on top of all that, it's a great and practically free way to satisfy all your weird and dirty little vices in the privacy of your own home. 
     The Internet is an amazing gift to society.  Great as it is though, it is filled to the brim with predators.  There are ALL types of scary predators crawling around on the old Internet today and I spoke to one just last night. 
     Beings how I'm an adult, 36 year old male, some of you may already have guessed which kind of Internet predator I spoke to last night.  For those who are not as Internet savvy, it was a scammer.  Not the Nigerian lottery kind but the porn site kind.  While similar cons, they are slightly different one just prays on the stupid in general.  The porn site one however specializes in duping stupid guys who are lonely, horny, or just plain drunk out of their credit card numbers by pretending to be a hot, sexy young girl who thinks your just SUPER sexy and wants to offer to show you her world, mountains and valleys and all.  She only wants your credit card number to verify your an adult not to scam you because what she's offering you is totally free.  You know, because your so hot. 
     Whether she emails you or IM's you she will need your info and credit card number but, she will always promise never to actually use any of your info or God forbid charge your credit card but, she always will.  
     Because despite her pink text color she's a scammer, and she probably also has a penis, and she/he is talking to tons of guys all over the world at the same time time and financially raping every stupid one she/he can find that will give him/her their credit card number.
     The following conversation I had just last night while on Yahoo Messenger with an Internet scammer that I am sharing here is meant to be an educational tool to try in vain to help my fellow stupid males all over the world.  While it is hilarious pay attention while your laughing.  Please, don't forget to learn, scammers are very real and men are very stupid so this is important. 

Here is a word for word transcript of my conversation with porn site scammer a_babesss32..,

Romance Novels?

Why do women like romance novels? Is it because chivalry is dead and they are in love with the fantasy of that lost world or that the women who read these books are just dense and so confused by life they prefer living in an alternate reality? I am pretty sure its the latter.

I guess it's no crazier than a true fantasy novel but my problem with it is I cant make monsters and elves etc. but girls can make the world the way it is in those books. Women have the vagina's. Vagina's are very powerful. If they cut us off chivalry would be back instantly because we're just doing what they told us to do anyway like always. We are essentially their slaves.
Instead of changing anything though they'd rather read trash novels that overuse the words thrust and glistening. I'm sorry, but I just don't get it. I mean in the 30's were trash novels books where women voted, wore slacks and had jobs?
Come on girls, your so much smarter than us so why are you reading that garbage? Wait, I think I've got it, those books are porn for women aren't they? That's got to be it..,

Making The Perfect Woman Throughout Time

I'm glad I live in this era but I can respect other time periods as well. I mean, you don't have to dig the clothing to respect the period of time do you? If so I can't really get with any of them as much, but I think it's the ideals more than the attire that matters here. Hopefully anyway because old clothing styles for women just make my wiener soft. I like the skin and sexiness of today mixed with all of the best things from the past generations. A kind of time period gumbo if you will...

My recipe would be just about equal parts of the following era's ingredients -

1. I would definatly want to keep today's female fashion because, like I said before, what good is a soft wiener? No good at all but I think each of these past era's still had it's good qualities they just hid their women way too much. Women are just too damn pretty to cover up. I say bring on the skin!

2. Then I'd mix in a little bit of the free love and open-mindedness of the 70's. Not the hygene mind you, just the spirit and the sex. Go ahead and mix in their weed as well but you can go ahead and bury all the other drugs with Hendrix and Joplin. Just gimme the disease free women and a fat sack thank you very much.

Female Orgasm Equipment

Women have all the best tools for masturbation. Guy's don't get anything, all we have to spice up making love to our hands is Vaseline.

But thankfully Vaseline is good enough to carry three different sizes which I appreciate. I'm on a budget.

But girl's have it all.

They have crotch rockets, vibrating panties, and they even have custom made vibrators like the one my Ex-Wife had.

She went out and got herself a 250 horsepower hot pink jackhammer.

It was 22 inches long with a two handle grip.

She had to mount it like a Harley.

And trust me, I knew that beast could replace me at any moment.

This power tool delivered an orgasm in 30 seconds...

I can't even last 5.

If I lasted 30 seconds I'd feel like Rocky Balboa.

I'd be running around the bed, my arms up in the air screaming "YO ADRIAN, I DID IT!"

All while she's just laying there all bored...hasn't even taken her panties off yet.

She'd ask me if I'm ready and I'd be like am I ready? Baby, I'm done.

Then, like always, out comes that big ass vibrator.

And every time she pulled that monster out and kick-started it I would get so mad I felt like screaming.

And I would've if I thought she could hear me over the engine...

Strong, hard, Weiner. You gotta give her enough..,

If you video game guys really just don’t want to satisfy your women in bed like she wants and needs you too, that’s fine but listen up and trust me when I say that right now there's a guy out there somewhere already just waiting to give her his bigger thicker c*ck whenever she really needs or even wants it.
I'm exaggerating a little of course but some of these girls actually really do like sex, mine does, she loves my wiener.
So all I'm saying is that whenever you notice her getting too horny. Get in there and slide some good wiener in strong and give her the good strokes, hard, and balls deep, every time...