3/23/17

I suck at failing

I do a lot of failing. 
So much so in fact you'd think I'd be a little better at it by now. 
Unfortunately that's not the case. 
I'm terrible at it actually. The worst. 
I'm a big baby about it too and I annoy my wife all of the time with my constant whining and anxiety attacks. 
You might think I would have developed a thicker skin and higher tolerance for what it is to struggle and sacrifice by now. I mean, I've been poor for quite a while. 
Strangely enough though, you'd be wrong again. 
Well then, I must have at least learned how to manage money pretty good, or to make smart, well thought out decisions in important moments in life by now right? 
I mean here I am. I've obviously done something right. I survived past 40 so far, I don't look to be hungry at all, I'm not sickly so I must have developed some sort of a secret or street wisdom then right?
Nope, not really.
I have no idea how I've even gotten this far in life much less if I'll get any further. 
You might think it must be luck, and that's a good guess except I don't have any. 
Could be my wife, probably is, it is. 
So yeah, luck, but just that one time.
And honestly, she really did all of that too. I never had any game at all with women.
So, is she my good luck, or am I her bad?
Hard to say. Well, not really, it's both. 
I'm the clear winner obviously but I think she thinks I'm alright.
I hope so anyway, like I said, I suck at failing.

3/19/17

I'm Back Again


I haven't been here for a little while. I was trying out a different approach because, quite frankly, I wasn't getting the results that I was looking for here. I was getting decent traffic but no interaction. So, I started over with a new site. I got really serious and set out to make the new blog what I had always hoped this one would be.

The more serious that I got about making it successful the less fun I was having writing it. I got my traffic up right away but still hardly any interaction. No one ever comments. Comedy is very hard to do with zero feedback. I know that I find it funny but does anyone else? Hard to say because I can't get anyone to talk or respond no matter what I try. I never even stopped to realize it may be because I have no idea what I'm doing.

I always used to just do this blog for fun. I love to make people laugh, I always have. Stand-up is great for a personality like that and that's why I love it. I never get tired of making people laugh. I started the blogging as a way to work out ideas, share actual bits, or anything else that I feel like doing that I think is funny. Everything about it I loved for a long time. I'd work on this thing for hours and that lasted for years until it started to bother me that I got the amount of views I did but no one ever comments on anything.

I began to drift away from the new site entirely. I let the URL expire and now it just sits there in the void deserted. While I was away from blogging I got really into politics because of this guy Bernie Sanders. I am now all in with trying to use the system to improve our world instead of just bitching about it. It has consumed me you could even say, I may even have to change my comedic style as a result.

Getting into and involved in politics and activism has kept me pretty occupied in my free time for about a year now but I still really miss doing what I once loved to do here. So, if you do know what you are doing, maybe you can help me grow and develop this blog into what I've always hoped it would be. A place dedicated to all things comedy with a community of like minded individuals having fun and joking around. Like a digital comedy club after close if you will. When it's just the comics and the staff hanging out and talking shit.

If you're new here, look around there's years of stuff on here and if you have something to say speak up, I don't bite anyone but my baby.

7/15/16

Government Work Joke

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

7/8/16

Gay Funeral Joke

 This chick has no chillAfter being married for twenty years to his lover, a gay man dies. When the funeral arrangements have been set, the widower approaches the undertaker with a peculiar request, "I know we had plans to cremate his body, but will you please chop him up and put him in a extra spicy curry instead?" The undertaker asks, "Why would you want that?" The gay widower replies, "So he will blow my ass out one more time."

7/1/16

The Boondock Saints: Rocco's Joke

So there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof appears the genie! The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted. Then, the genie goes to the Mexican and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Mexican goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be in Mexico, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted. Now, the genie goes over to the white guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" and the white guy asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Mexican people are out of America?" The genie replies, "Yes." So the white guy goes, "Then I'll have a Coke."