Ski Lodge Joke

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Golf Fairy Joke

     It's Monday and we owe you a joke. We found a good one this week for you so hopefully it helps a little bit to take the sting out of the reality that it's once again time to trudge through another work week again. Anyways... Heres your joke;

    Two guys were playing golf. On the first tee, Jack hit his shot left of the fairway in some buttercups. Bob proceeded to hit his drive straight into the bushes on the right. Jack went to his ball in the buttercups when all of the sudden he heard a 'POOF' and a fairy appeared before him. "I'm Mother Nature and you have damaged my beautiful buttercups with your Golf ball. In punishment for the next month you will not be able to get any butter for anything. I am so upset with you for destroying my creation that I may make it the whole month!" Then, just as suddenly as she had appeared, 'POOF' - she was gone. Jack turned and hollered towards Bob, "Bob, get over here quick!" Bob hollered back at him, "Just a second, I gotta go get my ball from inside that damn batch of pussy willows over there!" Jack heard what Bob had said and lept to his feet to save him, "Nooooo! Just use a new ball Bob! For the love of God, don't you dare hurt those precious Pussy Willows!"

Conversation with a Scammer,

     The Internet can be a very, very, very fun place.  I know I waste most of my life there.  The Internet is a useful tool and it's filled with absolutely everything you could ever possibly want to see, know and look at.  It's also a really great way to communicate and stay in touch with your friends and family, and even a much more efficient and environmental way to receive your mail.  Plus, on top of all that, it's a great and practically free way to satisfy all your weird and dirty little vices in the privacy of your own home. 
     The Internet is an amazing gift to society.  Great as it is though, it is filled to the brim with predators.  There are ALL types of scary predators crawling around on the old Internet today and I spoke to one just last night. 
     Beings how I'm an adult, 36 year old male, some of you may already have guessed which kind of Internet predator I spoke to last night.  For those who are not as Internet savvy, it was a scammer.  Not the Nigerian lottery kind but the porn site kind.  While similar cons, they are slightly different one just prays on the stupid in general.  The porn site one however specializes in duping stupid guys who are lonely, horny, or just plain drunk out of their credit card numbers by pretending to be a hot, sexy young girl who thinks your just SUPER sexy and wants to offer to show you her world, mountains and valleys and all.  She only wants your credit card number to verify your an adult not to scam you because what she's offering you is totally free.  You know, because your so hot. 
     Whether she emails you or IM's you she will need your info and credit card number but, she will always promise never to actually use any of your info or God forbid charge your credit card but, she always will.  
     Because despite her pink text color she's a scammer, and she probably also has a penis, and she/he is talking to tons of guys all over the world at the same time time and financially raping every stupid one she/he can find that will give him/her their credit card number.
     The following conversation I had just last night while on Yahoo Messenger with an Internet scammer that I am sharing here is meant to be an educational tool to try in vain to help my fellow stupid males all over the world.  While it is hilarious pay attention while your laughing.  Please, don't forget to learn, scammers are very real and men are very stupid so this is important. 

Here is a word for word transcript of my conversation with porn site scammer a_babesss32..,

Sex is harder for guys,

There is a ton of porn on the Internet and I am so thankful for that.
If that sentence offended you turn back now it only gets worse...OK then,
Porn is to me what Linus's blanket was to him. I hardly ever look at it anymore really but I feel safer just knowing its there.
Plus I can't tell you how many times it has helped me release the poison so I could think clearly again. Because being a chubby white guy with a face for radio my quest for tail hasn't always been an easy one.
I imagine its much easier for girls. But isn't everything? I would think even a butt fugly girl can decide she's getting laid and make it happen with enough booze. I know I've been with a few "vampires" myself. For guys its not that easy. I know I could never call it. Most times I have sex its a total surprise for me. I never see it coming..,


Sex is hard for guys. We have to do much more to get it and I know I've done things I would never do just for the chance that it would get me laid. There wasn't much I wouldn't do and I also had to avoid places just because it might stop me from getting any. Like amusement parks and fairs because I'm terrified of heights. I'm not gonna ride some death trap built by the high school dropout that turned in the lowest bid just to have a shot at some action. In those cases I turn to my porn. In my life I have often depended on masturbation. Making sweet love to good Ol' Rosie Palmer, my faithful lady.
Sex is even a lot less awkward for girls. Girls have nothing to hide, but if your an under-endowed guy, that moment when you first show your junk to a girl is very scary for us Lil guys..,