I'm a Howard Stern fan. I have been even
before ever hearing his actual radio show, I became a fan after seeing his
movie "Private Parts" ever since then I was a fan. Soon after seeing
his movie the Stern show finally made it's way to St. Louis's radio waves and
from the moment I first heard it I was immediately hooked.
I listened religiously, every day, and
to the entire show from tortured man to Fred's plugs at the end. Up until that
point I had NEVER paid any real attention at all to any radio personality
before Howard nor have I any since. I doubt I could have even named another DJ
on the air other than Casey Casum and even Casey with his golden pipes couldn't
hold my attention through even a single long distance dedication to a three
legged puppy in Wisconsin or whatever it was he did besides bringing voice to my man, and
stoner legend, Shaggy. Scooby Doo's owner, best friend, and loyal smoke 'n toke
partner.
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Howard Stern is talented. That is just a
fact. Anyone who denies that is either jealous or just a moron because its
undeniable. He has developed and mastered a simple formula for compelling
interesting and entertaining talk radio as well as writing two best selling
novels and carrying his own biopic starring as himself.
Well his formula is seemingly simple but
I know I have never heard anyone come anywhere near matching anywhere close to
the caliber of show that Howard delivers daily and there are more Stern
copycats on the air waves today than there is porn on the Internet or roaches
in New Dehli and not a single copycat morning show that I have ever heard even
compares or comes close.
Now I'm not saying I agree or even like everything or for that matter even half of what Howard
says or does on his show. But whether he's making me laugh, pissing me off, or
offending me He is always entertaining. I never find myself wanting to change
the station during his show. I always wanna hear whats next. He somehow manages
to consistently hold my attention and intrest more than any other show ever
has.
Hell, I can't even hold my own damn
attention for a full 5 hours a day but each day Stern does just that and
honestly I really couldn't even tell you why. He's not really super talented,
He doesn't have the best voice in radio and isn't even really what I would
consider a comic genius or even a comedian at all but he does it and he does it
consistently and he has for over 30 years.
Yes, the man is a complete narcissist. He's also an innovator and a champion of free speech,
which as a writer/performer is very important to me. The man's a living legend
and I would be honored to write just one joke for the him before he shuts down
his microphone the final time.
I'm by no means kissing his ass, don't
get me wrong. I just immensely respect what the man has accomplished and
believe deeply in what he does and what he does is actually very simple.
He does what he believes in and does it
fearlessly with an unwavering belief in himself . And I honestly believe that
at the very core of it he really does it all for himself which may really be
his secret.
What he does is pure and authentic.
Maybe that's why it's so hard to replicate. That kind of drive and belief in
ones self is very rare in any person, but Stern has it and it shines through.
Or maybe, I'm just simple like everyone
else walking the planet and love a good solid fart joke mixed with lots of
naked strippers and plenty of small penis jokes. I sincerely doubt it though
because I hate fart jokes, but maybe it is just that simple. Maybe Stern does
cater to the lowest common denominator but I don't care because either way I
still want to be in that studio and not to just watch I want to participate and
get a chance to be a part of something I believe is special. Not great, amazing
or even brilliant just special.
So please go ahead and hire me Howard.
Let me be a part of radio history but more than that let me actually be a small
part before the end of something I feel will be remembered as a big part of
entertainment history whether it's juvenile or not.
Hell, isn't most entertainment juvenile?
Beavis and Butthead anyone.
Not very much of the great achievements
in entertainment can be considered high brow really and even fewer than that
are memorable or have any real staying power and Howard has both of those
things in abundance.
He has changed radio forever and his
impact will be felt long after he flicks the switch for the last time on his
mic. If only in me because the very first thing I ever did in comedy was a song
parody for a contest on Howard's show and through that parody I found what
truly makes me happy and whether comedy ever makes me successful or not I will
always hold Howard in a special place for inspiring that change in my life and
helping me find my true love.
So come on you damn hook nosed Jew hire
this fat beaten down bastard so I can feed you a few jokes from the Jackie
chair before you sign off and retire to taking photos of Beth, finaly sleeping
in and I don't know I guess whatever the hell else you want to do. 
Lord knows I have got to be world's
better than Benji friggin' Bronk. That "world class talent" should go
real far once your coat-tails are removed from beneath him. Or at least as far
as the nearest unemployment line
Sorry Benji. I love you bro, but your
sitting in my chair.
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