18 Wheels and 7 Teeth

     Can we get rid of the damn Semi's already? I hate those huge friggin' death machines.
And the nerve of those fkrs..."If you can't see my mirrors I cant see you." Oh really? Well if you cant see that much space around that beast then you need to get that damn monster off the road and fix your defective friggin' mirrors.

      Maybe it's just me but I think that not being able to see whats around you in that big of an area at 70mph sounds like a pretty damn big problem to me but no, they have a sticker. That seems to be enough to cover their asses and we're just on our own to survive.
     But then these tubs of goo hicks behind the wheel of these monsters also drive these beasts like they are fkn Honda Civics and I for one am sick of taking my life in some rednecks hands every time I wanna pass one of these beasts.
     That is the absolute worst. Your passing a Semi and on your other side is the concrete divider. You get about halfway passed him and then all the sudden you see his blinkers come on and he starts creeping over completely oblivious to you.
Now you either have to floor it, brake severely to get out, or let him crush you like a bug against the divider. Beautiful.

     I'm telling you if I die like that I'm gonna be pissed off for like the whole first month I'm in heaven. I swear, I can see it now. Jesus will try to calm me down but I'll be too mad to listen even to J.C..
I'll haunt that redneck fkr every damn day till he finally snaps, moves to the deep woods, and marry's his cousin like he's supposed to.
     You'll also see a lot of these hicks with that bumper sticker on the back claiming that "Trucks drive America." Well, that may be true but come on, it's 2011, so why the hell can't we just teleport our damn merchandise and supplies yet.
     Someone get the nerds on this one right away so we can drive safely without a bunch of under-educated rednecks making every trip to work a gamble
     I don't wanna get killed by someone with less teeth in his mouth than tires on his vehicle. So come on you mighty nerds, y'all figured out how to give men erections long past when nature intended for it to be soft, so y'all can crack teleporting for sure.
So come on brainiac's let's use those big sexy brains to thin the redneck herd of truck drivers off our roads and help make things safer out there.
Thank you in advance nerds. I am a huge fan of all the great things you have already done for society and I know you can do this one too.

     Go get 'em guys! Park those monsters for good and make those ugly Semi's relics forever.


  1. Now its 2013 and the nerds have failed. So i guess its up to us uneducated toothless rednecks to get the job done...have you ever been in a rig? Have you ever drove one? Its not that we cant see around us, when you cant see my mirror the i cant see you BECAUSE YOURE BEHIND MY TRAILER! We can see 98% of what is around us, the only thing we cant see is straight behind those giant doors. Give us some slack, were hauling a 80,000lbs vehicle up and down mountians, in the pouring rain and snow when you four wheelers pull off cause you cant see or because youre too scared to drive. Give us room, dont ride our ass because we cant stop on a dime or go 0-60 in 3 seconds like you, dont try to squeeze around be when im making a turn and dont think you can slide under my trailer like in the movies. Ive seen too many fatalities out on the road and a majority of it is caused by the car not the truck but then we have to live with the thought of why didnt they just slow down or why didnt the just wait and their blood is put on our hands and in our minds. We are people just like the rest of you, we have families we want to get home to, we have errands to run on the weekends, we are not that different. But what do i know im just a dumb trucker who is trying to make some money for those fake teeth and to marry my cousin.

    1. This is what makes this blog different than stand-up... The hecklers have a voice. You do have a valid point. If this was a 'factual' account of trucking. You still do though even in the context of a joke tho. It is a harsh one, I'll give you that. Comes from years of long trips on the highway and truckers, not like you, who either seemed loaded or almost smashed me into the guard rail while passing. In closing you were very clever and I appreciate your comment. thanks for stopping by.


Thanks for joining the discussion, whats up?