Danger Zone

     Do you ever wonder why men do stupid things? 

Is it just because they are fun and/or exciting?

    Maybe not...  

    Maybe, just maybe now, it's because we just need that little rush that it gives us.  Maybe that's what being truly alive really even is. The danger of exposure to danger itself. The threat of being caught exposed. Arrested or even killed. 

    A literal wild animal tamed...

    It could just be that every once in awhile, even the tamest of us just need to feel the rush of doing taboo or dangerous things though.  I don't know, but I do know, if it's what it takes to feel alive, but I know that it's not what being truly smart is though for sure. In fact, the pursuit of danger, is almost never smart. Its 99% dumb to follow danger as your guide.

     Most of the time when your brain tells you that something is stupid it's because it is.  You should listen to it because thinking is your brains main job. Only job really.  

    When you don't listen to your brains sound, thought out,  advice and just go ahead and do it anyway, it's on you after that. Simple.  You didn't fuck up because you didn't know better, you did it in spite of that fact. 

    You did it because you wanted to do it.

     Being bipolar I do things like that all the time, for example I recently did something exactly like that. It was the dumbest thing that I ever did and I will never be able to live it down much less forget about it. 

    Things will never really be the same after what I did this last time. And that's like every time i follow the danger path. Sometimes I am so stupid I feel that I might be gifted in the art of stupidity.

    A Zen Master Of Idiocy.

    Or in English; A human man.

      

7 Things I'm Not Going To Do Today

Me, doing nothing.

     I'm not going to do anything today. Just to clarify my stance on  this I have compiled the following list of 7 things that I'm not going to do. Enjoy at your own leisure or don't I simply do not care.

1. I'm not going to mow the lawn

     Not mine, not anyone else's. I'm not going to mow the lawn because it doesn't need to be cut anyway. If it did need it though, I still wouldn't mow it, because I am lazy.

2. I'm not going to do the dishes

     I really should do the dishes because I said that I would but I hate to do dishes so very much.

3. I'm not going to do any laundry

     I should do some laundry because all of my clothes are dirty but I don't want to so I'm not going to.

4. I'm not going to take a selfie
    a. Take selfie this very instant
    b. Edit selfie
    c. Re-take selfie
    d. Post selfie

    e. Delete this 

5. I'm not going to check the comments on the selfie I took
    a. Check comments on selfie every 15 mins
    b. Like and reply to comments on selfie multiple times each

6. I'm not going to work on my car

     I'm not going to work on my car because I don't know how to work on cars and I would probably mess something up bad.

7. I'm not going to work

     I'm not going to go to work because I don't have to. I'm off today, cuz I don't even have a job.

You're Fired

     Getting fired isn't any fun at all.  It's a very lonely, and humbling experience.  But, on the plus side, it frees you up to finally be able to get to work planning your revenge against all those who have betrayed you.  Which, as we all know, is the most important, and rewarding job that you could ever have.

X-Ray's Are Magical!

     I thought naked was all there was, but now I'm dating this X-Ray tech chick, and she took this pic for me at work, and I can totally see all of this chicks bones.  Now, that's fkn naked.  As you can see, she's smoking hot, but just look at those birthing hips!  I mean wow!  I called my Mom right after seeing this pic to tell her that we were engaged.  I was that excited.  I hadn't asked her yet though, and she said no, but we still had sex on the bathroom floor so, it's cool.

Underwear Model

     I want to be an underwear model.  It looks like it would be a lot of fun, and I know I would be great at it.  I have worn underwear since I was first out of diapers, and I've always worn them really well.  I am also incredibly sexy, which is very important in being an underwear model.  No one wants to see ugly people in just their underwear.  That's exactly why light switches have an off option now isn't it?  There is only one thing stopping me from being an underwear model.  I'm discriminated against for being overweight.

Obese People Dieting

     Obese people are dangerous when they are on a diet.  They are not to be trusted, ever.  Even the ones who are calm, and seem to be succeeding at their diet can turn on you.  Need proof?  Go up to any obese person on a diet and wave a Twinkie in their face, your liable to pull back a stub.  Of course that goes for all fat people though, Twinkies are endangered now.  Dammit, now I want a Twinkie too, and I wouldn't even know where to start looking for one.
     I mean just look at that delicious goodness up there.  How could nobody buy up Hostess and save the damn Twinkie from extinction?  Where were all of us fatties on that one?  Probably on some stupid diet that was destined to fail.  What other delectable foodstuffs must fall before we just accept, and learn to love our fat?  Our economy depends on us heavies to devour and consume junk food at unhealthy levels to survive.  So Super Size those fries, and maximize your thighs, or McDonald's might have to close next, and then our society would surely crumble.

Found or Overheard Jokes, vol7

Here are the latest funny jokes that I was told or overheard or maybe just found that I'm gonna share with you, my loyal laughing readers..,

------

A man left work on Friday afternoon but, since it was payday, instead of heading home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his boys and spent his whole paycheck.  When he finally came home, Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and she tore him a new for hours.  After reaming him royally she finally asked him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two whole days?".  To which the man replied without hesitation, "That would be just fine by me."  So, Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.  Tuesday and Wednesday came and went as well and still he didn't see her.  Then on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough that he could see her a little bit out of the corner of his left eye.

I just love marriage jokes.  They are always so damn funny because they are just so damn true.  My wife would beat me down for running my mouth like that too.

Found or Overheard Jokes, vol6

Found or Overheard Jokes, vol6

Random funny jokes that I was told, or read somewhere, or maybe even overheard someone tell recently.., Read, laugh, and enjoy.

An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.

Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross the center line back there." "Can I see your registration please?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.

She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. This time, he's stark naked and has an erection! The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, "Oh no...... not the Breathalyzer again!"

‘Aren't the elderly adorable?'

 While preparing for surgery, the Dr asks the Billionaire if he'd consider trying a new kind of penis-replacement surgery done that will enhance the size of his former self.

Intrigued, the billionaire says "YES! By all means I want to be bigger!" So the Dr explains that there has been some recent tests on graphing a baby elephant's trunk to replace a human penis and the results have been pretty amazing.

Excited about the possibility of having an extraordinary penis the size of an elephant's trunk, the billionaire quickly approves and agrees with this procedure.

Several weeks after recovering and anxious for a chance to be out with his new larger self, the billionaire attends a huge banquet and sits across an amazingly beautiful young woman.

As the silver dinner trays are delivered to the tables a tray of large baked potatoes is placed right in front of the billionaire as he winks slyly at the lovely lady across from him.

Just then, the trunk reaches up on the table and grabs a baked potato and is quickly gone under the table.

The young pretty woman is astonished. She says "Can you do that again?"

The billionaire squeamishly says "Lady, I think I could do it again but I don't think my ass can fit another potato in it"

‘When isn't it funny for a billionare to get his potato where it belongs?'

Laughing News, Breaking Update, 10/22/12

Sometimes you just have a bad day

Does the Man got you down?  We have the jokes for you.  Read Its On and lets laugh while we get ready to rise up.  Also check out Dropping the "F" Bomb for my piece on my favorite word.  God don't make filth is also a great piece on the wrongs of censorship.  As a bonus we have Wait for a funny pic. 

Someone needs to save that dog!

If you're thinking about getting married, DON'T.  For more on this subject check out Evil/Ex-Wife, or Married Pillowtalk, or Married Quotes and also, Monumental Lies vol1

Found or Overheard Jokes, vol5

Found or Overheard Jokes, vol5

Random funny jokes that I was told or overheard recently..,

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

‘I found that couples calmness in the face of danger hilarious and inspiring.’

 On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

‘That's how I wanna go.’

Laughing News, Breaking Update, 8/2/12

Chad Kroeger asked my kid sister at a party I made up in my mind why no one leaves any comments here at Laughing 2 or why no one 'likes' and shares the funny from Laughing at Life 2's amazing funny jokes with all their computer friends on Facebook or Twitter but yet Part 2 is also very popular and still gets so many hits each and every day?

She told him she didn't know but our best guess is y'all must be ashamed of us or something like that...

Anyway, heres some news that broke, for you, from us,

   Socks and Sex is a new joke here that has it all...It's cute, i'ts about sex, the pic is really cool. I love it and you will too click this link to laugh! Click this link now for Socks and Sex!  It's crazy how popular that Socks and Sex joke has gotten but I'm glad because it was always a favorite of mine.  You should read it, I think it might break 100 hits soon.  Another sweet post to check out unless you hate laughing is Sex is Harder For Guys. You should click here and read it Now! I would, it's redonkulously funny.

Prove us wrong and comment or even like and share...hell, go nuts.  It's your party...Another adorable joke we have here and our number 2 current all time favorite post is Penis Enlargement Pills. It's seriously clever and hilariously cute. Click here and laugh as you read it Now!  For even more suprisingly clean and tremendously clever sex jokes try Penis Piercing. It's cute and clever and about Penis Piercing so how could you go wrong? Click here and go laugh about Penis Piercings..,

Our Howard Stern tribute piece, Howard Stern - King of all media, and my future boss, is doing really well round here too though. Click here to read it right away as well.  Lots of people already have and you can too. 
I'm glad the piece on Howard is being seen by so many but, I always wished our Bill Hicks tribute piece would have taken off more. It still can if you click here and learn about stand-up comedy's best, Bill Hicks, now!!! 
Anyway's, remember, we love you guys here at Laughing 2 and hey, remember this 2 theres always more funny so don't leave and also remember to share the funny...you can even click here to head back to main page for more funny and even more laughs..,
If y'all are ashamed and can't share us it's OK...Y'all can still comment here to us.  Talk at us and tell us what your liking or anything like you saved a ton on car insurance,  your dog had puppies, whatever...seriously, long as your cool and not a racist douche or something we'd love to hear from you.  I mean of course we would your our readers.  We love you!

Click this link, for Questions my son asked, #1 which is Hilarious.

Also while your here check out these other great new jokes too...like, Beer Goggles, or Our expose on truckers and semi's out on the highway. Not a of themll, just the jerks. It's called, Big Rigs on the Highway - 18 wheels and 7 teeth of death, and don't miss our best Laughing At about Celebrities yet. Laughing At - Celebrities.  Click any of those you want to read and laugh at now too and you'll go there and laugh.  You should do it.  Why not you know?  I mean, free laughs is free laughs.
Either way...click these links to laugh or don't just remember, we love ya.  Let us know what your thinking, comment, like and share Laughing at Life 2.  Quit being so stingy with the funny.  That is everyone except my Google + people.  You guys rock!

Click here for the latest Laughing News, Vol 3 Now!

Click the Sumo's for a Free, Funny, Fat joke right now!!!  Did you click 'Em?  Oh, you already read Button...funny stuff huh? 

Found or Overheard Jokes, vol2

Found or Overheard Jokes, vol2

Random funny jokes that I was told or overheard recently..,

A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

‘Isnt that joke just adorable?’

This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I was tight."

‘Not only was that one cute, it was relatable...’

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here you go, iron this!".

‘Tell me sexism isn't funny...sure it is.'

Thanks for stopping by, come back soon and check out the new. ‘Laughing At’ coming the 25^th.

The Most Horrible Thing I've Ever Seen

Childbirth isn't beautiful.

That is a dirty damn lie cooked up by women to trick us into going into that room with them. It was absolutely horrible. By far the very worst thing I ever saw in my entire life. I still wake up screaming from it and all I did was watch and pray that my hand wouldn't crush from the death grip she had on it.

I thought I knew every curse word there was but I had never even heard half of the obscenities she used to describe me in that delivery room. If looks could kill my penis would have been ripped off, she would have turned it into a knife with her mind, and then used it to stab me as many times as she could without killing me, then she would have set me on fire with her eyes and watched my wiener less bloody frame burn up with child-like delight. I was terrified..,

Laughing News, Breaking Update, 7/3/12

Always dump her hard and in front of her friends out in public and call her ass fat loud just like this dude here is doing and a couple of her friends will wanna bang ya.  Girls like to poke with bad boys..Read more here on how Sex is harder for guys...?

Dont fk my pie,this
ones for eating.

Good self-love tips that are less sticky than pie, click here...

"We're *ss poor mister.  It's fkd, plus dude, you should see how fat my wife is, its fkd up a little.  Sh*t's rough."  Laughing News cares and wants you to click here for your free budget sex game!

Budget Sex Games,

     "Sometimes I'll give my wife a piece of juicyfruit gum to chew during sex and I try and outlast the flavor." - Shawn

Let the panties hit the floor..,

Ever since the time that I hit puberty I have had only one main goal in life. And that goal is very simple. From the first time my weiner stood up on it's own all I have wanted in this life is to get laid.

From that point on my main goal and primary mission on this Earth was to get as many girl's out of their panties and into bed with me as I could as often as was humanly possible.
I have always loved women.

They really are literally all I ever think about and it's been that way as far back as I can remember. I was fascinated with the beauty of women way before I ever even knew there was anything else to them besides being adorable and having the strange ability to make butterflies churn in my stomach by simply looking at me and somehow make me feel intoxicated with nothing but a silly little sideways smile.

You see it all started out very innocent.

Fat Cops/Girthy Gunslingers,

Not all cops are fat. Just the funny ones. The fatties are my favorite of all the boys in blue.  I mean is there anything better than watching a fat cop bulging out of his uniform shirt, utility belt holding on for dear life, eating a donut?
Plus I like the idea of a cop I could outrun. Makes me feel better. Not that I'm gonna run or even have a reason to but if I did I like the ones I know would be doubled over holding their knees ready to vomit up there Denny's Grand Slam breakfast after ten steps. Like on the show COPS when there chasing a criminal and the camera man is running circles around the cops.
Fat cops kick all the ass. I love me some fat cops. Every time I see one I instantly smile inside. I hate it when I see a thin cop because the in-shape ones are boring. Gimme a fat one any day.
I want em so big their cruiser looks like a low rider when they cram themselves behind the wheel. So eat up you tubby gunslingers. I don't care what anyone says, y'all look great!

Fat Cheating Whore!