Little Johnny Marriage Joke

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

Little Johnny's Bike Joke

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Little Johnny Wedding Joke

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

Little Johnny Chicken Joke

A teacher asks her class, "Kids, what do chickens give us?"
The students all reply, "Eggs!"
Pleased, the teacher says,  "Very good class! Now what does the pig give us?"
To which the students reply in unison, "Bacon!"
The teacher nods approval and then says, "Thats right! Now what does the big fat cow give us?"
The class falls silent until Little Johnny raises his hand and when the teacher calls on him he confidently says, "I know the answer teach, it's homework isn't it?"

Little Johnny Grandma's House Joke

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johinny recieved his plate he started eating right away. "Johnny, wait until we've said our prayer," his mother reminded him. "I don't have to," Johnny replied. "Of course you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house." So Johnny said, "Thats at our house, but this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook."

Worms and Whisky Joke

Little Johnny's  Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.

He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

Little Johnny School Joke

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."

The teacher sat down and cried.

Little Johnny Government Joke

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' said Little Johnny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''

Found or Overheard Jokes, vol7

Here are the latest funny jokes that I was told or overheard or maybe just found that I'm gonna share with you, my loyal laughing readers..,

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A man left work on Friday afternoon but, since it was payday, instead of heading home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his boys and spent his whole paycheck.  When he finally came home, Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and she tore him a new for hours.  After reaming him royally she finally asked him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two whole days?".  To which the man replied without hesitation, "That would be just fine by me."  So, Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.  Tuesday and Wednesday came and went as well and still he didn't see her.  Then on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough that he could see her a little bit out of the corner of his left eye.

I just love marriage jokes.  They are always so damn funny because they are just so damn true.  My wife would beat me down for running my mouth like that too.