7 Items You Need To Have In Your Wallet

     I don't remember anyone ever teaching me about my wallet. I have tried and I can't remember a single soul ever teaching me anything about my wallet at all. I think that's really weird. It does explain why it took me so long to master the wallet though but it just doesn't make much sense that no one ever took me aside to explain my wallet to me. I decided that young men need someone to really teach them about their wallets how to unlock it's secrets. I decided boys needed a role model to look up to who knows what's important in a wallet and what isn't. I decided that man would be me so I wrote this. If you are reading this let me first say, congratulations on your new wallet. They are really very cool and I know that you are excited so we will get started right away with my 7 wallet essentials.

1. Money

     Money is probably the most important thing to keep in your wallet. Money is probably even the reason that you have a wallet. I know that it's mine. When I started getting money the first thing I did was get a wallet. Obviously, the more money you can put in your wallet the better. You want people to know that you're paid. It has been proven by science that girls like guys who are paid so try to look well paid.
     If you don't have much cash you might be wondering what you can do to look more paid. Well, there are a few secrets that I can pass on to you like put your largest bill on the outside of your roll. Make sure to pack your cash roll with as many ones underneath that big bill as you can and you will look well paid even though you're not at all. 

Fat Cops/Girthy Gunslingers,

Not all cops are fat. Just the funny ones. The fatties are my favorite of all the boys in blue.  I mean is there anything better than watching a fat cop bulging out of his uniform shirt, utility belt holding on for dear life, eating a donut?
Plus I like the idea of a cop I could outrun. Makes me feel better. Not that I'm gonna run or even have a reason to but if I did I like the ones I know would be doubled over holding their knees ready to vomit up there Denny's Grand Slam breakfast after ten steps. Like on the show COPS when there chasing a criminal and the camera man is running circles around the cops.
Fat cops kick all the ass. I love me some fat cops. Every time I see one I instantly smile inside. I hate it when I see a thin cop because the in-shape ones are boring. Gimme a fat one any day.
I want em so big their cruiser looks like a low rider when they cram themselves behind the wheel. So eat up you tubby gunslingers. I don't care what anyone says, y'all look great!

Fat Cheating Whore!