The main reason it's so stressful and scary is because we really want to do a good job so we can get a return engagement not to mention a good review. We have to give 110% that first time because we may not ever get a second chance and, we really want that second chance because, that means more sex for us. So, God forbid we blow it, because she not only won't give us anymore lovin', but she could also totally ruin us socially and humiliate us among her female friends, not to mention on Facebook.
So really it's like having sex with all her friends at the same time without getting to have sex with all her friends because they are all going to hear all about your strong or lack thereof. So, there is a ton on the line once the panties drop and the action starts. It's like and audition, or the world's most naked job interview.
So ladies, as you can see, the pressure can be enormous. There is just so many damn unknowns to worry about. You expect us to know what we're doing because we run our fkn mouths but, we don't. There's just so many variables and obstacles we forgot to consider while we were bs'ing you so we can get into your pants.
That's why I never brag or lie. Ever. Because I worry about things. I'm a worrier. Like, for example some of my sexual worries are, compared to the guys of her past, am I big or small? That one is probably because my first time I was like 10 strokes in and that b*tch actually asked me if I was in. Scarred me for life. At the time I didn't know she was a hoe. I should have because it was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway but, but what did I know, it was my first time.
Another huge worry of mine, especially in my teen years was what I finish too soon. Which, honestly, I really don't think girls have any right to complain about that one at all because they don't have any idea how good a quality VJJ feels, much less, how sensitive our willy's are. And, let me tell you, that thinking about baseball sh*t is total BS. So, really,that ones not even really fair but, we wanna do a good job so, we worry.
Furthermore, we are always completely guessing when it comes to foreplay the first time. If a guy claims to be a master lover on the first go round he's a damn liar. Because, I don't care if your John Holmes or Napoleon Dynamite, everyone is different. Hell, you don't even know where she's ticklish that first time, much less have the faintest idea what she likes or doesn't like. So, I always go safe in that situation. I play my strengths. I'm a good kisser so I lean a lot on that and I spend a lot of time on the breasts because girls have always seemed to like that one too. I never experiment with any unsafe zones on the first time though because a misplaced finger could mean game over fast.
In closing, I'd like to add, they say it's the motion of the ocean and not the size of the boat that matters. Well, 1. I suspect that they are lying and, 2. I'm a shorty, It's all I can do not to slip out, Now you want me to do tricks with it? I got one trick. In, Out, That's it. But I do have a strong stroke so maybe I'm one of those tug boats that pull barges or something. P.S. I love you ladies but, be honest about what you want and, never laugh at our strong. You'll scar us for life.
Want more funny from Laughing at Life 2? Here you go..,