Atheism, the religion for geniuses.
That's what its supposed to be right? Isn't that what they they say? Do they say that or do they just claim Christians are idiots? Well, I wish I was smart enough to believe in nothing. But I'm just not as smart as them. And you know what...That's perfectly OK with me.
They say us Christians are stupid, delusional, and downright crazy for believing in what they call...'An invisible man that lives in the sky'. Because God knows that believing that all this just happened on its own isn't crazy at all. Nope, That makes perfect sense.
Let's see here, there was a Big Bang millions of years ago and then millions of events creating life lined up perfectly all on their own and formed everything alive and all you see around you. And that's not all, at least one planet in all that random but miraculously eventful, chaos just happened to turn out perfectly suited for life. But wait, it gets better, because also on that very planet life just happened to form in hundreds of species on land and water accidentally and all on its own. Then it just evolved from microscopic organisms into all of the species of life that we have on the earth today including us Humans, who evolved from monkeys believe it or not.
Yeah...monkey's, but apparently some monkeys decided to stay behind in monkey town which is why you can still see them at the Zoo today. You know monkeys, always the showmen.
Yeah, your right Atheists, that makes way more sense.
I just can't wrap my tiny little mind around it though because I guess I'm just too darn stupid to understand why me believing in God is so ridiculous but believing that millions of random occurrences fell directly into place all on their own makes perfect sense. Or maybe I just have trouble with it because believing that all happened accidentally is even more ridiculous than our supposedly crazy belief in an Almighty God.
Atheists also really like to point out that we Christians have no solid proof that there really is a God. We can't produce evidence and show them God in the flesh and that somehow proves our point that there is wrong. But you wanna know what I found out? I found out that Atheists have just as much solid proof that there isn't a God as we Christians do that there is and they are such genius's that they manage to use that lack of proof as their own proof.
Dammit, now I'm confused. It's enough to make someone like me of lesser intelligence say 'Huh?'. But Atheists, unlike us Christians with our silly hope and faith, have nothing of meaning. Their lives are meaningless and they have no faith or hope of anything except returning to the Earth to feed the worms and bugs below the surface. And be part of the 'circle of life'.
Yeah. I definitely understand the appeal of that. That makes total sense.
Only problem for me with that is, I can feel God.
I know he's there and I know he's real. I've talked to him. He's touched my life in too many ways to count. I can read his word and feel his presence or just simply talk to him and know he's listening and I'm not hokey at all I as realist and pessimistic as they come but I know it's legit and he's proved it to me over and over again. It's something we can feel and if they would let him in their hearts they could feel it too.What does an Atheist feel? Definitely not hope. What hope is there when your life has no meaning or purpose? I'm thinking they feel a lot of self-importance and not much else, but I'm just guessing and I'm glad of that because without hope and purpose why do anything? Why wake up and even get out of bed? Why not just jump in front of a bus right now? Whats the point of anything when you believe in nothing?
Also why would it even bother them that we believe in God? It doesn't hurt them in any way or even effect them. So why do they feel the need to come out against us Christians?
I think it is their fear that maybe, just maybe, we're right. If they were so sure were all just moronic fools why even bother with us at all? You'd think incredibly smart people could find better use of their time but the fear thing makes a lot of sense. I can even see how it would be a scary thought that we could be right because even though God is love he also has a bad temper, just check out the Old Testament.
So look Atheists, you claim to be so smart just look at the points I've made here and think about changing your lives. I hope you do, really I do, but if not just leave us Christians alone to believe what we want. Our beliefs aren't hurting you, you just want to crush other people's hope to feel better about yourself. Well that may work on the feeble minded but any true Christian that has felt God's presence won't be swayed by your "theory's". Plus Hell will be swarming with your friends so your gonna like it there. You probably wouldn't know anyone in Heaven anyway.More Great Jokes;
- 5 Things That Suck About Atheists
- God Don't Make Filth
- Laughing At, Sports
- Harpo's Cakes: An Oprah Winfrey Joke
I'm an atheist, I'm an A grade student, a prefect at school, help my elderly neighbours with work at their house and donate £5 of my pocket money to charity every month - the lack of religion doesn't mean a lack of hope or morals - I don't need God to tell me not to murder people and I don't need Jesus to make me donate money to people because I am capable of doing so with my own free will. I would never, and will never force my views on anyone and have no issue with religion (even though it is the cause of 75% of wars) and the lint in my pocket is not a "seed of satan" - guns do a lot more damage than lint and a recent study showed that 85% of people with guns were religious.
ReplyDeleteI respect your right to be an atheist. I dont agree with it, but I do repect it. I will address your comment in sections... 1st, this was a joke and I think that was pretty clear. 2nd, if you dont push your opinion of Atheism on others then the sarcasm in this joke wasnt aimed at you. 3rd, I praise your charitable nature. That is very good of you as a human. 4th, ur war comment is from religion, not God or Jesus. 5th, if your secure in your beliefs, why would you be offended to begin with? 6th, where do you think your concience comes from? Why dont animals have one? If we came from fish why are there still fish? I could go on and on... Oh, and my point/question about lack of hope referred to the after life. If there is no God or afterlife and were all just worm food in the circle of life why not just step in front of a bus right now? These things confuse me and as a comic I tell jokes about what intrigues me. There are many other jokes here you might like that dont reference God. Thanks for ur visit and comment and come back soon!
ReplyDelete1) I respect religion and cannot claim to know everything about, however, I live by logic. That means that if we come from fish, but there are still fish in the sea, I can logically explain that: If I gave you an aircraft and you spent your life in the sky, that doesn't mean everyone without an aircraft would disappear; biomorphic changes take millions of paths and there is one that survives because it has adapted to do so - it is not luck or fate - it is simply that one set of mutations led to a species that could survive while millions of others died.
Delete2) I don't believe in the afterlife, I do believe however, that the short life we all have is immeasurably valuable. Fear of death leads up to want an afterlife, but truly fearing death means living in a bubble - I would rather one year of joy than an everlasting monotony. You ask what the point in life is, if it is over in so short a time, I ask what is the point in life is if we are part of a scheme in which we have no power - if conforming to God's great plan is all we can amount to - if those who will do good have already been planned to do so - then I would jump in front of a bus in an instance. It's one life, it's this life, but it's ours and I'd rather spend it on my own terms than on those of a being who would let millions die, when, if he is all powerful, he could put an end to it.
3) If God gave us conscience then how do you explain the parasitic worm that is boring through the eye of a boy sitting on the bank of a river in West Africa, a worm that's going to make him blind. Are you telling me that the God you believe in, who you also say is an all-merciful God, who cares for each one of us individually, are you saying that God created this worm that can live in no other way than in an innocent child's eyeball? Because that doesn't seem to me to coincide with a God who gave humans the sentience that allows us to treat that child's eyeball even when he or she is of no import to our existence.
Wow! You are brimming with hate and self loathing for someone who pretends to be so enlightened. First off, I will once again remind you that this is a comedy blog and what you are so upset about was a JOKE. Second you do not in any way respect religion. Third, you outright attacked god and blamed a parasite in a boy's eye on him as if he controls every action of every living being twenty four hours a day. Fourth, that is idiotic reasoning. Bottom line... You may be right and I may be wrong but, if I'm wrong I lose nothing what so ever now do I? I don't think your as happy or confident as you think you are but I hope one day you find something that gives you the self confidence to not be so easily rattled in your beliefs that a JOKE leads you on an idiotic rambling rampage against a comedian just trying to entertain someone. As I've said before there are literally thousands of other things on this very blog you can laugh at and have a great time with and I hope you will. It sounds to me as if you need a good laugh. Thanks for reading, and come back soon.
ReplyDeleteI respect religion as a central force in today's culture and my hatred lies in white supremacists who knock on a Muslim's door and preach moral righteousness, when if a Muslim came to their door, they would be insulted and furious. Atheism is not about a need to be enlightened - I'm fifteen years old and therefore a teenager; someone who is not in the least enlightened because billions of nerve endings are snapping in my head every second. What upsets me, and what always has, is the idea that Atheists follow "Satan" and are bad people because they don't believe in a deity that claims to be singular when in human history there are thousands of other deities and spirits that have as much credibility. Your argument lies with God creating all things in this universe - then it stands to logical reason that he created cancers, parasites, famine and racism - these are all things a good human would fight unendingly against. Romans believed in Jupiter and Juno - they believed that the changing of the seasons was caused by a mothers sadness - things most people would laugh at today - but in a thousand years when Christianity has evolved and permeated into more social structures and ideas, people may regard religions, not just christianity, as intrinsic human need to find umbrella answers to questions that we cannot understand - and it is only because some people didn't take "God's plan" for an answer, that human beings are close to curing cancer, and attempting to end discover our past in order to calculate our future. One of my closest friends in Christian, and because we do not ridicule each other, I never tell him what I think and he never tells me I'm damned or going to hell. My respect for religion lies in those who practice it, and unfortunately I don't respect you. Human ideology means that when we find fault in our own self-worth, we reiterate, emphasise and revert - all of which you did just now - mirroring your own feelings is fine but only if you know how to hide it.
DeleteI hope you educate yourself on this further buddy. I am sorry you took my JOKE wrong OK. Have a good day ok and thanks for stopping by.
DeleteI admit I need education, and it's important that you know I have no issue with christianity or any religion or belief system for that matter - however people judging me for my atheism is common and it sickens me that you think belittling a sub-culture is a joke, because if a ran a "comedy-blog" and wrote about Christians in such a damning manner, it would be insane to expect no one to react badly because our beliefs are the stem of all we do, and to be depicted as some arrogant, loathsome sloth insults me.
DeleteWhether this was intended to be a joke is irrelevant because I might as well have titled my blog "Christianity, a sarcastic view of this self-agrandising and ideologically dusty religion" - I would have been wrong to do so; Christianity can be a force for good and a central pillar in British and American society, but it would have the same affect on you as this article had on me. I am sorry to engage in such a "rambling rampage", but if I did not do so then I could not truly say that I was passionate about my atheism.
Your belief system is to have no belief system and your logic is idiotic. I was nice because your 15 but, we're done here. If I want i'll write 50 Atheism jokes. I am sorry that I apologized at all to you because I never was sorry, I was being nice. Find someone else to pester with your BS or send me 5 pounds a comment for having to suffer your dribble.
DeleteThe fact that I'm not some racist, sexist supremacist who needs a magic pixie in the sky to tell him not to kill orphans does not mean I talk bullshit - in fact it means the opposite - it means that I don't discount absolute truth such as carbon dating and fossil evidence and I don't go around saying that God made us in his image when it is clear we made God in our image because chanting to some deformed goat was too weird. Your belief system has no evidence behind it and the only reason it exists is because when human beings first gained sentience they needed one big answer because they could not explain why it rained or why the sun shone - why do you think differing religions are split up into localised areas? Because when each small group of humans that has expanded over time first began properly thinking, they wanted a big explanation and because these humans had little to no contact for thousands of years they made their own religions to suit their purposes. If you tell a toddler that there are invisible monsters that live under their bed, they'll believe it, and the human mind two-thousand years ago was equivalent to that of a toddler so when one human stood up and said "Hey, I'm the son of an invisible and inexplicable force" they all believed him because they had no proof that he was lying - if Jesus stood up in today's society we would pity him. I was being nice because as a human being you deserve some degree of respect, even if that means humouring you (which was quite fun, I admit) but I've given that up because you clearly have no sense of your own lack of awareness. Calling yourself a comic would be like me calling myself a lepidopterist because I once looked at a butterfly, or like calling myself a formula 1 driver because I once sat in the front seat of my father's car - you sir show the comic capacity of a three-year-old who can copy jokes off the internet, so before calling yourself a comedian, try being at least slightly humorous.
DeleteOkay, you know what? You actually seem nicer than your little joke made you out to be. I will put my scientific reasoning aside and hope we can just not be enemies.
Delete8^y
Wow. There is logical reasoning from an open minded person.
DeleteAnd there is this:
"You are brimming with hate and self loathing"
"I don't think your as happy or confident as you think you are"
"I hope you educate yourself on this further buddy"
"your logic is idiotic."
"I was nice because your 15 but, we're done here."
"If I want i'll write 50 Atheism jokes"
"I am sorry that I apologized at all to you because I never was sorry"
"Find someone else to pester with your BS or send me 5 pounds a comment for having to suffer your dribble."
"Oh, and enjoy hell. You'll know a lot of people there."
"What a lame ass comment."
"Debating you closed minded idiots is a waste of energy."
"We are not hurting you or your quest to suck on Darwins balls."
And the best part, he says this:
"Alright dude, now your just getting hateful."
"We are not hurting you or your quest to suck on Darwins balls."
"Your religion seems to be shitting on others."
Sum it up: You are reasoning too much. So you are evil (= annoying). That gives me the right to be like this too. Still, it's just coming from you and I'm the good one. That's not exactly what any religion is preaching.
That made zero sense
DeleteAlright dude, now your just getting hateful. I knew you'd let your true colors show. You are representing Atheists faithfully now. Godd, spew more bile... Oh, and enjoy hell. You'll know a lot of people there.
ReplyDeleteOh this is so stupid, did you fail science? Do some research before you go trying to diss on science. Science is literally all facts, solid evidence, and rigorous tests. You can DO the thousands of studies yourself if you want, and see for yourself. You obviously have no concept of evolution whatsoever.
ReplyDeleteWe athiests do have hope, you dingus. Hope that one day the world will be free of religion and move on to progress.
Because without religion we can progress faster. Yes, I called you a dingus. My skill in trash talking doesn't have anything to do with the legitimacy of my argument.
DeleteI actually just like the word dingus :P
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRead through a couple of your phobia posts. Enjoyed them. Wanted to look at a regular post before following you. Saw this in your side bar and love it. If we stupid people believe there is a God and it turned out there isn't, what have we lost. Put the shoe on the other foot, and if the genius doesn't believe and it turns out there is..UH-OH! As the Bible says, if no one believed the rocks would cry out to praise Him! Oh, and as to phobia's...the most oft repeated command in the Bible is to "fear not".
ReplyDeleteglad to have you as a new follower! I appreciate that you read further into my little blog. It's good to have a comment down here that is not me arguing with atheists. Thanks for commenting!
DeleteThe fact that you think we are perfect shows how wrong you are from the start.
ReplyDeleteEnlighten me Butters, what is wrong with us?
DeleteIf you want to believe in a over-simplistic, outdated, anthropomorphic deity as the reason for the universe because it would disturb you if you did not have a purpose, go ahead. I don't care if that's what you believe, but at the point that you dismiss theories proven by both scientific and mathematical evidence, I will take offence. Firstly we did not descend from monkeys. Chimpanzees and humans did share a common ancestor, but humans developed advanced brain capability and higher communication on our own separate from Chimpanzees'. Also the big bang theory makes perfect sense according to physics. Besides if the atoms didn't come together correctly to form you, you wouldn't be. But you can only observe a universe in which you do exist, and by the many worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics you will experience only universes with you alive. Now that last part may or may not be ignored as quantum mysticism, but it has infinitely more scientific basis than your religion.
ReplyDeleteNow, I wouldn't have an issue if you accepted something like the day-age thing (not sure about the details though).
DeleteFunny, you don't care what I believe but cannot help but to insult me thoroughly in your opening statement. I know that you believe yourself to be pretty sharp but know that I am too. Other than that I don't know how to respond to your statements because you didn't really make a solid point or ask a question. Sorry you didn't dig it. There are other jokes and stuff here that you might like.
DeleteI don't care what you believe, religiously. But when you make claims saying science is wrong, or you misinterpret it, I start to care what you believe. At the point you disregard scientific evidence, I start to feel in an insulting mood. Furthermore, judging from my experience from people who talk like that in your rant, you believe in a black and white universe, there is either a god or the big bang. And because you need a purpose to move along you tired mediocre life, you would prefer to believe in a god. Also your sad understanding of your own religion does not add to your point. You say atheists burn in hell, well you may be forgetting two thing: 1) there is a place for the virtuous pagans that is not quite in hell and 2) honestly most true some of us are not atheists and are instead agnostic or deist. As long as we are either agnostic or deist we have a plausible deniability if there does happen to be an after life.
DeleteSuch a petite squabbling of intolerance and ignorance, disgusting
ReplyDeleteI want to share a testimony of how Dr.Osemuhau herbal mixture cream saves me from shame and disgrace, my penis was a big problem to me as the size was really so embarrassing,and i was also having weak erection problem. I can't make love to my wife and my penis was just too small a full grown man like me having 4 inches penis and to worsen it i don't last in sex i cant even last two minutes it was really a thing of shame to me. My wife was really tired of me because my sex life was very poor,she never enjoyed sex,i was always thinking and searching for solutions everywhere until when i saw a testimony of how Dr.Osemuhau herbal mixture cream have been helping people regarding their sex life, so i decided to give him a try and to my greatest surprise in less than one week of taking the herbs my penis grow to 8 inches i couldn't believe my eyes and as i speak now my penis is now 8 inches and i do not have week erection again. I can make love to my wife longer in bed. And my marriage is now stable,my wife now enjoy me very well in bed. can contact him drosemuhau@gmail.com {) or call or what-apps him through +2348168714427
ReplyDeleteI'm an atheist, and you're really an idiot, not for your religion, but for insulting us as we are, in the same way that some Christians insult Muslims, I agree with most people that maybe, You need some faith in your life.
ReplyDeleteJust don't call us arrogant for believing that there must be another way to prove our existence, not accept what they teach us since we are born but to seek our own ways.
I have some questions
Do you know the person who wrote the bible?
Did yo knew that the fact that the female, was made from the male's rib, was created as a misogynist catalizer?
Did you knew that in the original bible, adam and eve just had two sons, Cain and Abel, who married the woman from the "neigbour town" (Really)?
Did you knew that science invented the parachute, while religion says "If the plane is on a collision path, kneel down and pray"?
Did you knew that your infinitely merciful god, killed 99.9999999% of world population (incuding this poor animals) in genesis 1-22, and that two specimens of each animal, repopulated the whole world?
Im not a de-evangelizer, but dont say that atheists burn in hell we dont think there is one either way.