Golf Joke

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

Golf Fairy Joke

     It's Monday and we owe you a joke. We found a good one this week for you so hopefully it helps a little bit to take the sting out of the reality that it's once again time to trudge through another work week again. Anyways... Heres your joke;

    Two guys were playing golf. On the first tee, Jack hit his shot left of the fairway in some buttercups. Bob proceeded to hit his drive straight into the bushes on the right. Jack went to his ball in the buttercups when all of the sudden he heard a 'POOF' and a fairy appeared before him. "I'm Mother Nature and you have damaged my beautiful buttercups with your Golf ball. In punishment for the next month you will not be able to get any butter for anything. I am so upset with you for destroying my creation that I may make it the whole month!" Then, just as suddenly as she had appeared, 'POOF' - she was gone. Jack turned and hollered towards Bob, "Bob, get over here quick!" Bob hollered back at him, "Just a second, I gotta go get my ball from inside that damn batch of pussy willows over there!" Jack heard what Bob had said and lept to his feet to save him, "Nooooo! Just use a new ball Bob! For the love of God, don't you dare hurt those precious Pussy Willows!"

Japanese Businessman Joke

An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."

God Golf Joke

Moses, Jesus, and a very old man are starting their day of golf at the first tee off. Moses steps up to the tee, plants his stance, firms up, and smokes a drive that curves right towards a pond. Moses waives his club in the air, the pond immediately parts, the golf ball bounces in and out of the pond bottom, onto the green, 6 inches from the pin.

Jesus says: "Nice shot."

Jesus steps up to the tee, plants his stance, firms up, and smokes a drive that also curves right towards the pond. Jesus waives his club in the air, the pond immediately freezes, the ball bounces on the surface across and on to the green, 6 inches from the pin.

Moses says: "Nice shot."

Finally the old man slowly hobbles towards the tee. Plants his feeble stance, lift the driver, and whiffles the top of the ball as it bounces 10 feet away from the tee. All of a sudden, a gopher scurries out of his hole, grabs the ball in his mouth and runs down the fairway. A circling eagle soars down from the sky, grabs the gopher in its talons, and takes off soaring up the fairway until an instant of lighting strikes the eagle, the eagle drops the gopher, the gopher drops the ball onto the green, and rolls into the hole. A hole in one.

Jesus turns to the old man and says "Dad, are we going to play golf or fk around?"

Funeral Golf Joke

Two guys are out playing golf on a beautiful day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says, 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.' The friend replies: 'Yeah, well, I just figured it was the right thing to do. After all, we were married for 35 years.'

Fat Athletes

     Bowling, Golf, Wrestling or basically any other "sport" that you can be fat and still play at the same level as everyone else if not better than them are my favorite to watch and are also fantastic and inspiring and sadly slowly dying. These fat friendly sports are suffering and need more support than they get from us the sport viewing public. We need to support these important fat sports because think of how beautiful and inspiring it is to our over-abundance of overweight little children that our society not only actually accepts these games that you can play well while fat as true sports but that the husky players that play them are considered real athletes too. That to me as a former fat kid from the husky section was amazing. It gave me attainable goals. I score the fat sports phenomenon as a huge victory for fat people, one that is important and endangered and needing our protection.     It's just really nice to have competitive events in which us fat people can not only do well at but also not be so damn easily counted out in. In most sports the out of shape fat players are automatically seen as the weak ones and our lack of cardio and wealth of slowness are used against us by the strong and in shape players. In fat friendly sports the fat players are not instantly the weakest and worst players. In fat friendly sports the fatty could be really good and quite possibly even whip a little ass. We chubby folks need these sports because we don't have a whole lot of games we can play or heavy athletes we can look up to and admire. Speaking as a former sad little fat kid I would have loved to have had a poster of a kick-ass chubby bowler celebrating after winning a big tournament. Who knows, it might have helped me have more self esteem or maybe even just deal with the whole "husky" pants thing a little better than I did.