Laughing News 5/28/14

In The Headlines

              Viagra Ice Cream Exists And Yes, It's Blue

          That's right folks, UK food inventor Charlie Harry Francis has invented an ice cream blend using the erection drug Viagra for a celebrities party.  He calls his Viagra ice cream Arousal and each blue, bubbly champagne flavored scoopful of Arousal ice cream is equal to taking a 25mg Viagra pill.  It is estimated the ice cream would be worth $33 a scoop so, of course it isn't available yet at your local supermarket next to your Blue Bunny but, if you'd like to solve your soft willy troubles and satisfy your sweet tooth at the same time then keep your fingers crossed for Viagra to become cheap enough for Dairy Queen to make an Arousal Blizzard.

               Teacher Makes Students 'Pay To Potty'

          Parents are upset in Vancouver Washington because the elementary school has instituted a new policy that students must now pay to use the restroom.  The schools policy is called, no shit, 'Pay To Potty', and the way it works is that the students earn fake school money for being good in class and then they can spend that money to go to the bathroom during class.  This has the parents of the Mill Plain Elementary School very upset because if the student spends all of his money on other things in the student store and he or she can't afford a trip to the potty the student is just out of luck.

     Cat attacks dog to save child

          A young boy in California was riding his bike out in his driveway when a stray dog viciously attacked him and pulled him by his leg off of his bike on to the ground.  At that point the childs cat pounces the dog like a wild cheetah taking down a gazelle and chased it all the way out of the childs yard saving the boy.  The whole event was captured on the family's security video cameras and the video has gone viral.  The video is just absolutely amazing, check it out with this link right here, Hero cat saves child from dog  Since saving the little boy the cat has become famous and even just threw out the first pitch at a local minor league baseball game.  He was quoted as saying that being famous and throwing out the pitch was nice and all but that he'd rather have his nuts and claws back.

Sports News

     - Peyton Manning is a woman and was arrested in a drug bust.

- 10 Ways To Fix The NBA Draft Lottery

- "Wear Sunscreen" Graduation Speeches By Famous Athletes

Entertainment

          Pat Sajak came out of the closet as a complete moron this week when he announced that people that are concerned about climate change are unpatriotic racists that knowingly misguide for their own ends.  Sajak also went on to say that he was taking the next few weeks off because the computer models have already determined all the winners.  When asked what he thought of people being upset about his statements Sajak shrugged like a pimp and said, "Sometimes it's fun to poke the hornets' nest just to hear the buzzing".  In my imagination he then grabbed Vanna by her ass, snatched up his cane, and strutted out to his limo.

- 18 Reasons That You Are Totally Undateable

- James Wolpert is running a Kickstarter to fund his new album. Click here to check out how to contribute.

Cocaine gets pulled over and busted with Xanax 

          Edward Cocaine was pulled over carrying a bag of Xanax and was arrested but was later able to supply a prescription for the Xanax and the charges were dropped.  When we asked Mr. Cocaine why the officer might have thought that he was under the influence he replied, "I'm very happy. Naturally high.".  I can't help but think though that Eddie might just be a bit of a stoner and not just because he looks high and smells a whole lot like weed, or at least he really looks like he probably does.  I've never met him.

Click on Mitch to check out our tribute to his comedy and watch
 the funny video compilation of his jokes we found.

- Watch this middle class white kid do an awesome Micheal Jackson impression at his schools talent show. It's like MJ got his wish and was reborn as a young white teenage boy.

Politics & Columns Etc.

          Have you ever met someone that you don't like but you feel so sorry for them that you never tell them and they think that you are their friend?  We do too.  His imaginary name here for secrecy reasons is Kenny K and his imaginary image can be found to the left but the real life one of ours does actually exist and he wanted to write for us about current events, gossip, and politics etc so since he will never stop asking until we say yes we let him and this is his article.

'Kenny K Climbs Up On Top Of Your Life'

          ...Hello everyone, I'm Kenny K and y'all are OK with me. I begged Shawn to let me tell y'all about some things here to help you excel and be interesting, good looking and well informed like me, your new life guru at Laughing at Life 2, me, Kenny K.
          Today I would like to talk a bit about fat people that order a diet soda with a 3200 calorie McDonalds lunch combo. I'm fat, I understand being fat and deciding on what things to sacrifice to try to live a little while longer but a regular sugar soda has like 300 calories whereas a supersized Bacon Clubhouse burger combo with apple pie lunch from McDonalds is like 10 times more calories. I only complain because it's not only stupid, but diet soda is also completely disgusting and who wants to wash down a delicious McDonalds meal with nasty artificially sweetened soda flavored water.  Stupid people with no taste or class that's who.
          Hopefully you people aren't like that and you like my column so Shawn will let me do it again.  Until next time I'll leave you with this Kenny K knowledge nugget, you either live large and sexy or get squashed all alone.

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Well that is it for this instalment of Laughing News. Thank you all so much for getting your comedy news right here from L@L2. Share us and comment below then check more of our free funny before you leave and then come back often soon!