Unnatural Boner's

I think we've finally proven that our societies priorities are totally and completely F.U.B.A.R'd

So have we achieved World peace? Nope, still haven't gotten to that one yet. How about feeding the hungry? No dice, I am really very busy, but it's on my list. So did I find an effective, cheap, renewable energy source?  You know what, I almost did that but something came up.  How about housing the world homeless? Well, that one honestly just seemed like way too much work. I know what your thinking, did I cure Cancer? No, sorry, I just didn't have time for that one either.

Those are all great causes for sure but I have just solved the most important problem facing humanity today.

This ones big y'all.

My new discovery is triple huge, slightly bigger than anything else ever anywhere. Its like splitting the atom and sliced bread combined to make the worlds most explosively awesome sandwich ever created by man...

I have discovered how to make ANY wiener hard no matter how soft it may be. Hell, it may stay hard so damn long it's possible you might even need medical assistance just to get it soft again.

That's right everybody, I did it. Three cheers for me.

Everything's going to be OK from now on y'all cuz I have saved the fkn day.

Soon every single geriatric in nursing homes and hospitals coast to coast will pitch there very first tent since the Reagan administration.

Game over Nerds. 

It's finally settled, I'm the best that has ever lived or ever will. I win, keep my Nobel Prize, cash is all the thanks I need.

Its party time, so pop your arthritis meds, pass the magic blue pills around for all because the first boner's on me.