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12/26/12

Men With Breasts

     I'm a man and, I have breasts.  I try to deny it but, I do.  I have ever since I was a little kid.  I try to ignore them but I see 'em, I know they are there, plus my wife actually plays with them.  Can you believe that?  I've begged her not to but, she still does.  Do you have any idea how emasculating it is to have your breasts fondled as a guy? It's very emasculating OK girls. Totally, completely, extremely, redonkulously, emasculating.
     I've always had man-boobies, far back as I can remember, and I've always also tried to ignore them too.  I do.  I really do pretend they're not there.  Whenever I can I totally black them out.  It's a valuable skill to have.  The human mind really is an amazing thing.  You can convince yourself of anything you want but, every once in a while, a mirror, a picture of yourself, or hell, even a damn shadow will remind you that they are there.  The rest of the time us big tittied males actually do convince ourselves they look like muscular pecks instead of the perky, plump 'B' cups that they actually are.



     I wish the male-titties we're all I had but, like most other men with breasts, I've also got that third trimester pregnant belly thing going on.  I try to delude myself that I look much leaner than I do but once again the enemy's of the fat like mirrors, pictures, and shadows always fk it up.  Reality slams back in and, your mind is forced from it's delusion back into the sad truth.  They all show your eyes the same thing.  I've got the profile of a pregnant, bald, fat girl with perky, full 'B' cups. 
     It's totally humiliating to be a man with breasts.  When your an unfortunately shaped man like me you'll see pictures of yourself and decide to never wear a certain piece of clothing ever again, forever.  Like it's the shirts fault that your a big fat ass. Hell, I know for a fact that many of the shirts in my wardrobe that have ended up in trash cans were from seeing pictures and videos of myself wearing them.
     And not only fat guys suffer from perky male breasts.  Thin guys can get them too.  For me that's much sadder.  At least I have the hope that one day I'll develop some will power and lose weight, get in shape, lose my belly and my titty's for good.  But, what's a thin guy with perky boobs supposed to do?  Get a breast reduction?  Can you imagine?
     I had a supervisor once with the fullest perky C's I've ever seen on a man.  The guy wasn't fat at all, just had better cans than most chicks his age.  It made each night a comedy show because, since he was a jerk, anytime I felt upset, I could look at his big, perky man-boobs stuffed into those tight Rolling Stones T-Shirts he always wore and, instantly a huge smile would take over my face and brighten my day.
     So yes, man-boobs are funny but, as a man with perky breasts I know how it's also tragic and humiliating.  When will our lazy scientists get on fixing this genetic tragedy?  I refuse to believe that in the year 2012, the best solution for this problem is duct taping our man cans down like Hilary Swank in 'Boy's Don't Cry'.  Come on scientists, this one needs your immediate attention.


Thanks for laughing with Laughing at Life 2...Here's some more great jokes to check out before you leave.
    

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