Truck Stop Love Story (Excerpt)

A short excerpt from a romance novel that doesn't really exist because I made it up..,

     ...A very busy man on his way to his wife's parents house stopped at a very busy truck stop because she was nagging him to get her some gum. He didn't want to stop because they were making really good time and his life was pathetic and that actually really mattered to him. He had stopped anyway because she was nagging really hard and he was sick of hearing about the damn gum. He went in the truck stop by himself and right away saw the line for the register was very long, he was going to lose all the time he had made up by leaving early. There was nothing he could do though because she wasn't going to shut up until she got her gum and he knew it. He got the gum she liked and took his spot in the back of the line. A disgusting toothless trucker smiled his gummy stupid grin hello at him and he nodded politely back. At least he hoped it was politely. The greasy fat toothless trucker was harder to look at than stand the smell of. He couldn't wait to get his white collar, middle class ass out of here. The whole place reeked of coffee and hot dogs and there wasn't a very good teeth to people ratio.
     He kept his head down and waited patiently because honestly hicks scared him to death. While he waited his turn and minded his own business a young woman who seemed to know a lot of people in the truck stop walked up to him and with the biggest saddest eyes asked him, "Can you spare some change please mister?" she looked sweet, and innocent in her tight pink halter top with her creamy young tits oozing perkily out the top. Her boobs were so amazing that he almost didn't notice her skin tight daisy duke style cut off short pants. She looked so sad, vulnerable and sexy begging him for pocket change and he found that he really wanted to help her but he only had hundred dollar bills and she was cute but not a hundred Dollars cute she was a seven tops. It was something in the symmetry of her face that threw her off but he could tell that in the right light she could be a ten. Plus, huge luscious cans or not, his wife was right outside waiting in the car. She leaned in closer and whispered in his ear, "Please mister, I want a Snickers really bad and I don't have any more money to spend. If you buy me candy and a soda pop I'll share it with you in my tent in the woods out back. A snickers is far too big for me to eat all by myself anyway." She moved in even closer because she could see she had him on the ropes now. "We can even share a soda because they sell them here."
     "I'm really sorry Mam, but I don't have any change and my wife is right out front." The man said trying to look into her eyes as he spoke but failing miserably. "Why don't you ask the manager if he will give you a snickers and a soda?"  She looked so sad when he had refused her that he began to get hard very fast. He could feel his penis bulging as he added, "He might help you out."
     "No, he won't." She said, "I already asked him." She looked down at her shoes and then back up at the man and when she did he could have sworn her eyes were twice as big as they were before. "We can eat the snickers fast and I'm real quick at drinking soda mister. It won't take but a minute."

Cellular Love Story

     The text message only said, "Very clever" but I still knew right away that she must be talking about me so I replied, "Why thank you baby". A few seconds later my phone beeped again and I saw that she had replied back as I had always known she would, the message simply said, "Sorry, wrong number". It was at that very moment that I knew I had her right where I wanted her. I leaped at the opportunity and immediately sent her my best naked selfie. I hashtagged it #4MyLove from #OrgasmHeaven.
     I'm still waiting for her reply because she must have dropped her phone in ecstasy upon seeing my beast out in the breeze like that and she lost all her contacts. I can only imagine how upset she must already be at herself and it just breaks my heart to think of her suffering like that. When I finally mount her all will be set right but until then unfortunatly she yearns for me unsatisfied.
     I drove around and tried to find her but it was too difficult because I didnt know what she looked much less her name. I couldnt get a response from her number anymore either so I guess she hadn't replaced her phone yet. It makes me feel terrible that I lost my new girlfriends phone number before I could even ask her name or have sex with her.
     Then all the sudden it hit me, I could just do a reverse look up on her phone number. Once it came to me I was actually kind of angry with myself for not thinking of it sooner. It took no time at all on Google for me to get her name and home address. Ill change her name to Sarah here to protect her identity and I cant give out her real address but lets just say that from Google earth's images her house seemed to be really nice. But, of course it was. She lived there and she was totally hot smart sweet sexy and totally awesome after all.
      According to MapQuest it turned out that she was only a four hour drive away from me so I jumped in my car and headed for my her house eager for our first 'real world' encounter. It had to be one of the most romantic things thats ever been done in life. As i drove to see her I felt like John Cusack in every 80's movie that he ever did which is to say I felt amazing. Journey blasted through my car's stereos speakers as I headed towards my sexy little minxs brick two story house at the end of that long windy driveway in that quaint little wooded cul-de-sac.
      All I could think about as I rocked out hard to some serious classic rock ballads was how excited and aroused she was going to be when she first saw me in just a few hours. I hoped she didnt pass out from the excitement so I wouldn't have to wait too long to ravage her like she needs me to. I tried to call her on my way but for some reason my number had been blocked. It must have happened on accident in her shock when she first laid eyes on my gorgeous albino anaconda. I could ask her about it in a little while anyway when I saw her. Then I imagined we'd probably make love for awhile before finally taking a break to go out to dinner, maybe get her a new phone, and probably a box of fine wine as well.
     I was almost to her house and was already beginning to get very nervous. I wondered things like what if she doesnt like fat guys or what if I finished too quickly during sex with her? Girls always hated that, or so I'd always heard. I'd just have to try my very best is all. It was too late to back out now anyway, I was there.
     I pulled into her driveway still at least a full three quarters hard and a full five quarters excited. I walked right up to her door despite the fact that every light in her house was off and it was 3:15 am. Destiny didn't care about clocks, time, or lights. Plus, I knew she'd still be up thinking about me and my sexy sex hog. I had rang the doorbell only 11 times before she rushed to answer the door.
     'Sarah' pretended to be shocked to see me standing on her porch in a thong but I saw her staring hard at my bulge all the same. She told me to leave, said she was calling the cops, but all the while her eyes kept seducing my crotch. She couldnt get enough of staring at it. I'm not stupid, I got the hint. She wanted to study the goods first. Of course she did, she was a smart girl. Plus I was noticing 'Sarah' liked to play a little bit before sex time.
     I decided that I would join along in her little game. I assured her that I was sorry and I would leave and then I got back in my car. I slowly backed out of her driveway and drove down her street away from her house.
     Two blocks up I ditched the car and doubled back on foot. No one noticed me at all as I glided like a ninja to her back porch. Through her sliding glass door I watched her talking on the phone. She was pacing back and forth and she had a baseball bat in her cute little hand. Damn, I thought, this chick could really role play good. I knew then that I'd have to step my game up a bit so I ditched my thong and climbed the tree naked to the second floor of her house.
     I didn't see the cops arrive because I was already hiding butt naked under her covers waiting for her to find me. I heard talking downstairs but I just figured she had invited some friends over to play with us. I figured I'd go along with it this one time, unless of course she was planning to use that bat on me, but later we'd have to set some boundries. I didn't want to embarrass her in front of her friends on our first time having sex.
     I don't remember exactly how many times I got tasered when they found me naked in 'Sarah's' bed but it was a whole lot. I tried to say I was sorry but all that came out out was 'Fuck You Pigs' which they didn't like at all. Matter of fact, I think that was when the fat one punched me in the eye a bunch of times until everything got all blurry.
     I go to court this Tuesday and I'm really hoping that me and Sarah can get through this little rough patch and have sex right after. My lawyer thinks that its more likely I'll get 6 months in county if I'm lucky. But he doesn't know 'Sarah' like i do so I've got my fingers crossed for at least a hug and a handy J in the elevator.
    
    

Excerpt from Sex and Bacon Sandwiches

     The novel 'Sex and Bacon Sandwiches' doesn't exist, but I thought it would be fun to pretend that it does and to also pretend that the following is also an excerpt from that book that I chose to share with you here today.  Enjoy,

     ...Bacon sandwiches always reminded her of sex with Sebastian.  Sebastian really loved sex, but everybody knew that what he really loved was bacon sandwiches.  She couldn't even count how many times they'd had naked bacon sandwich fueled sex sessions.  She couldn't forget them either because Sebastian was great at making bacon sandwiches, and he was pretty good at having sex too.
     She still had his number in her phone and, she also just remembered that she happened to have bought 3 large packages of bacon, lettuce, and the good mayo at the grocery store just yesterday.  All she needed now was a big juicy tomato, and sexy Sebastian.  So she took her phone and texted him a sweet, but sexy. and direct message and then just sat there and waited for his reply.
     Five minutes passed before her phone beeped letting her know that his reply text had finally come.  She could feel the excitement rise in her as she opened his message.  It was just a simple reply.  Only 3 words, it said "who is this?". 
     Her excitement grew deep in her loins as she replied, "It's me silly, Briana, remember we used to eat all those bacon sandwiches together naked.".  Satisfied with her coy reply she hit the send key.
     Ten minutes later her phone went off alerting her of a new text from Sebastian.  She rushed right off the toilet to go grab her phone so she could read his reply.  Again it was just a short and sweet message,  only 3 words, "You have bacon? ".  Her nipples swelled and hardened as she replied that yes, yes she did.  She had plenty of bacon.
     Not even a full twelve seconds passed before her phone chimed with his reply.  "On my way, just took a Cialis so, heat up the griddle."...

     I imagine that if that was from a real romance novel a whole lot of sex and bacon sandwiches would be just a few pages away.  Since it isn't we will just have to pretend or, creative types can leave their suggestions below for what happens next in the comments.  See you next time I make something up for us to share here.