I suck at failing

I do a lot of failing. 
So much so in fact you'd think I'd be a little better at it by now. 
Unfortunately that's not the case. 
I'm terrible at it actually. The worst. 
I'm a big baby about it too and I annoy my wife all of the time with my constant whining and anxiety attacks. 
You might think I would have developed a thicker skin and higher tolerance for what it is to struggle and sacrifice by now. I mean, I've been poor for quite a while. 
Strangely enough though, you'd be wrong again. 
Well then, I must have at least learned how to manage money pretty good, or to make smart, well thought out decisions in important moments in life by now right? 
I mean here I am. I've obviously done something right. I survived past 40 so far, I don't look to be hungry at all, I'm not sickly so I must have developed some sort of a secret or street wisdom then right?
Nope, not really.
I have no idea how I've even gotten this far in life much less if I'll get any further. 
You might think it must be luck, and that's a good guess except I don't have any. 
Could be my wife, probably is, it is. 
So yeah, luck, but just that one time.
And honestly, she really did all of that too. I never had any game at all with women.
So, is she my good luck, or am I her bad?
Hard to say. Well, not really, it's both. 
I'm the clear winner obviously but I think she thinks I'm alright.
I hope so anyway, like I said, I suck at failing.

My Problem With Miley Cyrus

     I have a problem with Miley Cyrus and it isn't that she has decided to completely sleaze up her image and just become a total crazy skank.  No, all of that I'm fine with, my problem with Miley is that she only looks uncomfortable and awkward when she's trying to be sexy.  Her version of sexy provocative dancing just makes me soft and sad.  She's either just so repressed and sheltered from her Disney upbringing that she is just a retarded level of horny, or more likely, she's just actually retarded.
     Nothing about Miley Cyrus or anything she does turns me on.  She is a cute girl, really very pretty, but everything sexy she tries to do just looks really uncomfortable and sad to me.  Like if she was at my house watching TV or something and pulled that shit I'd just get her a blanket and a hot chocolate and ask her if she needed someone just to listen and be her friend. The furthest thing from my mind would be having sex with her.
     I want to make one thing clear before my intentions here get sidetracked. It's not that I'm offended by Miley's antics. I am more than fine with a grown woman expressing her sexuality and living her life however makes her happy. The only reason I'm even calling Miley out on this is because, one she is a celebrity and, like it or not, ask for it of not, she is a role model to little girls. Now, I don't believe that being famous obligates anyone to live their life like a perfect role model, don't get me wrong. I also believe the paparazzi is evil and celebrities deserve their privacy as much as anyone else so they can live normal lives and fuck up quietly just like everybody else. My problem with little miss Cyrus is what she does it in the public eye only. Its disturbing is why I'm concerned and not in the way you might think. It's disturbing because we are clearly exploiting a mentally handicap person.
     Everything I see Miley Cyrus do fucking screams out "Somebody Help Me Please! I cannot control myself and am surrounded by idiots and record executives that let me do whatever the hell I want to do at all time!". Let's just publicly accept her as an adult, and a serious musician who has many hit songs like she wants us to so she can stop humiliating herself.  If we keep encouraging her current behavior not only are we taking advantage of a clearly unstable person but we are just begging to make her the next Madonna and, quite frankly, once was enough of that. So, cool out a little bit Miley, we get it. You're all growed up now. You can stop. Well, you don't have to stop but, you are on ten - try dialing that back to maybe a six. Just keep on writing your catchy little pop songs everyone seems to really like and be famous, successful, and happy. You really don't have to humiliate yourself the way you are while you're doing it.
     

You're Fired

     Getting fired isn't any fun at all.  It's a very lonely, and humbling experience.  But, on the plus side, it frees you up to finally be able to get to work planning your revenge against all those who have betrayed you.  Which, as we all know, is the most important, and rewarding job that you could ever have.

Are you Laughing at Life, 2?

     Life can be very hard, painful, and extremely stressful as well.  Luckily, it can also be hilarious and it often is too, if you know where and how to look at it.  That is what is so healing and necessary about the art of comedy.  That is also why I love doing it so much.  I love making people laugh.  It's like a drug to me and it is to most of the other comics that I know as well.  
     We comics are mostly all just a bunch of sad clowns who see the world through a skewed view that allows us to translate it into humor.  We need our audience as much or more than they need us.  The relationship between the comedian and the audience is a very intimate one even if it doesn't fully show on the surface.  The audience benefits from the release of the laughter and the comic benefits from the audience's laughter itself.
     Making people laugh is like our own version of cheap therapy, and it's our anti-depressant drug too.  It is for me at least.  Making people laugh and feeling that acceptance and praise is why I do it.  It's what drives me to write and perform.  I love to entertain people and hear them laugh.  I need it, it's my drug, and I've been addicted to it ever since I first stepped onto a stage and felt it.

Dollar General Is Evil

     I lost my job.  I didn't lose it Per Se, I know exactly where it is.  I just don't work there anymore.  And, I am glad that I don't.  You see, long story short, they were d*cks.  They being Dollar General.  Total and complete assholes.  So, I told them to get bent, and walked the fk out.  That is after they tried to fire me by firing me and then later taking it back the next day after walking me out and taking my badge.  Sound confusing and fk'd up?  Well, it was, but I'll do my best to try and explain it.

Atheism, a sarcastic view of this anti-religion, religion.

     God was with me today and to thank him for his guidance I'd like to re-share an old post from our first blog Laughing at Life about Atheists.  Thanks for being there for me today God and to all who love to laugh enjoy...

Atheism, the religion for geniuses.

 

    

     That's what its supposed to be right? Isn't that what they they say? Do they say that or do they just claim Christians are idiots? Well, I wish I was smart enough to believe in nothing. But I'm just not as smart as them. And you know what...That's perfectly OK with me.

They say us Christians are stupid, delusional, and downright crazy for believing in what they call...'An invisible man that lives in the sky'. Because God knows that believing that all this just happened on its own isn't crazy at all. Nope, That makes perfect sense.

     Let's see here, there was a Big Bang millions of years ago and then millions of events creating life lined up perfectly all on their own and formed everything alive and all you see around you.  And that's not all, at least one planet in all that random but miraculously eventful, chaos just happened to turn out perfectly suited for life. But wait, it gets better, because also on that very planet life just happened to form in hundreds of species on land and water accidentally and all on its own. Then it just evolved from microscopic organisms into all of the species of life that we have on the earth today including us Humans, who evolved from monkeys believe it or not.