Blonde Jokes

Q: Why do blondes make poor bank robbers?

A: Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

A: Bigfoot has been sighted.

Q: Why do blondes wear panties?

A: To keep their ankles warm.

    A blonde has just gotten a new sports car and while she's driving she cuts off a semi and almost pushes it off of a cliff. The truck driver angrily motions for her to pull over so, she does. The truck driver draws a circle on the ground in the dirt and tells her to stand in it so, she does. Then he pulls our his knife and starts to cut up her new leather seats. When he turns around he sees that she's just standing there smiling. So, pissed now, he goes to his truck and gets a tire iron and starts bashing her car with it.  He busts the windshield, the lights, and smashes the hood. But, when he looks back at her, she's laughing. Furious he slashes all her tires with his knife but still, she's laughing in her circle. So finally, the truck driver yells, 'What the hell is so funny?'. The blonde catches her breath, smiles, and says coyly, 'Every time you looked away, I stepped out of the circle.

     A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up out of her seat and moves to one in the first class section. The flight attendant saw her do it and politely asked her to return to economy class because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde stays put and says, 'I'm blonde and beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here'. 

      After repeated attempts to get her to move, the flight attendant goes to tell the pilot about the problem. The pilot has the co-pilot go tell the blonde to move but, once again she just says, 'I'm blonde, beautiful, and I'm going to Detroit so, I'm staying right here'.

     Frustrated, the co-pilot returns to the cockpit and informs the pilot and suggests they involve the Air Marshall and make her move but, the pilot says, 'You say she's blonde? I'm married to a blonde beauty so, I speak blonde. I'll go talk to her. So the co-pilot takes over and the pilot goes to talk to the blonde.

     He goes up to her, leans in close, and whispers in her ear. She listens and then says, 'I'm so sorry'. Then quickly goes back to her economy class seat. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move. The pilot smiles and says, 'I told her that first class wasn't going to Detroit.'     

Q: How is a blonde like peanut butter?

A: They both spread for bread.

Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?

A: They have to pull their own pants down.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

     A young ventriloquist is touring clubs and one night he's doing a small gig in Alabama.  He has his dummy on his knee and starts doing his act. He tells his usual dumb blonde jokes and a blonde stands up in her chair and screams, 'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women like that? It's guys like you that keep women like me from being respected! Why don't people like you learn to respect blonde women?'

     The ventriloquist, embarrassed, begins to apologize to the blonde woman but the blonde says, 'You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little sh*t sitting on your knee'.

     A blonde, brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a NASA experiment where they were sending women out to different planets. The scientist called the brunette into his office first to ask her a question.

     'If you could go to any planet, what planet would it be, and why?'.  After thinking about it the brunette answered, 'I would like to go to Mars because it seems the most interesting because of all the recent news of discoveries of life there'. The scientist takes her answer down and thanks her.

     Next the scientist calls in the redhead, and asks her the same question. She answers, 'I'd like to go to Saturn so I could see its rings up close'. The scientist jots down her answer, thanks her and asks her to send in the blonde.

     The scientist asks her what planet she would choose and she thinks about it really hard then answers, 'I would like to go to the Sun'. The scientists, shocked by her answer, tells her that she would burn to death. The blonde just smirked, put her hands on her hips, looked the scientist right in the eyes and says, 'Are you dumb? I'd go there at night'.

Q: What is a blonde doing when she's holding her hands tightly over her ears?

A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?

A: Put her in the shower to wash her hair and tell her to lather rinse and repeat.

Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?

A: Opens the car door.

     A blonde goes to Louisiana to buy genuine alligator boots. When she saw the prices at the stores though, she realized she didn't have enough money. Determined to have her new boots after coming all that way she buys a gun and heads out to the swamp to kill her own alligator. The shopkeeper who sold her the gun is driving home and sees the hot blonde in the swamp belly deep with her gun and stops to watch. Just then a gator surfaces and the blonde shoots him dead in one shot. The shopkeeper watches in amazement as she drags the 9 foot beast to the shoreline. He walked up to her just as she was flipping the huge gator on its back. Once she had him on his back she yelled out in frustration, 'Dammit, this one ain't wearing boots either!'

     One day a smoking hot blonde is riding a horse. She decides she wants to go faster, and do some tricks so she starts turning the horse around in a circle. Just then, she starts to slip off so she tries to grab the horses mane so she won't fall but she can't get a grip. So she decides to put her feet into the saddle. Hanging by her foot with her head banging on the ground the horse keeps going. Just as she thinks she's going to pass out, a Kmart employee comes to her rescue and unplugs the horse.

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?

A: Because the rest of them are hunt'n peckers.

Q: Why shouldn't you give blondes coffee breaks?

A: Because it takes too long to retrain them.

Q: What do you call a blonde with a brain?

A: A golden retriever.

     There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane.  The lawyer was bored, so he asked the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.  The blonde was reluctant so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds.  Every time she couldn't answer one of his questions, she would have to give him $5, but when he couldn't answer one of hers, he'd give her $50.  The lawyer figured she was so dumb he couldn't lose.

     The lawyer asked the first question, "What is the distance between the Earth and the Sun?"  Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.  Then the blonde asked the lawyer, " What goes up a hill with 3 legs, and comes back down the hill with 4?"  The lawyer tried for a very long time to figure it out, but he couldn't and gave her $50.  Frustrated he asked her what the answer was.  The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and gave him $5.

     Someone saw a blonde eating a Tootsie Pop and asked her, "So, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?"  Without any thought the blonde replied, "I don't know, but it took almost the whole day to lick through the wrapper."