Ten Life Hacks That Could Help You Improve Your Life Maybe

1. Wake up earlier

     My grandma always used to say, 'Don't sleep your life away son because if you do someone will steal your nut, and you know what? She was right. Unless you're a criminal, or maybe a bartender or stripper most legitimate business takes place during the daytime. If you want to get your slice of the action going you're going to have to be awake to do it. The earlier in the day that your shoes hit the pavement and you start your day the more hustling you are going to get done in the peak money making hours. So, to put it simply you are going to want to get up early. Now, not to be strict with you here but I recommend getting up no later than ten am. I know that is very early and sounds impossible, but, I'm sorry to say it, but it needs to be a hard ten with no more than two snooze presses tops.

     Getting up early is just the first part of starting out your day early. The second part is to start your day. If you get up early and watch Family Guy till noon or two, then eat lunch and take a nap you defeated the entire purpose of getting up early. You did nothing, you made no money, you hustled not at all. Now Jay-Z will tell you that you do not get rich without hustling. Money does not make itself so get out and to work doing something productive by 11am. What you do each day with your new time can be anything you want inside of your own physical and mental limits. You can look for cans on the interstate, beg for money at a truck stop, or work for your cash. Anything is better than nothing is the key here.

2. Eat better

    Do you usually just drink a tall glass of vodka before starting your day? Try adding orange juice to it gradually until one day you can drink it with just juice. Do you eat McDonald's every day? Try not to super size your 'meal'. At least resist the apple pie. I am very aware of the difficulty in that because the 2 for $1 deal on those is outrageously tempting but try to resist it. The key to sticking with your new diet is to cut yourself a little slack. You need to really look deep inside to your very being and be realistic about what you are actually capable of accomplishing with all of your numerous biological hindrances. Basically, set realistic goals for yourself and reward yourself often. This should keep even the weakest willed of you out there engaged enough to at least half assedly reach a few of your goals.

     You should also try to exercise a little and be more active in your daily life. That may sound impossible but surprisingly enough its possible, and it can even be fun if you ease your way into it. The key is Patience. Embrace your laziness, you have to own it. Like in Judo, turn what was a weakness into a strength. You know you are lazy, so give yourself easy goals and constant rewards for sticking with your new plan. Your new plan should be easy too. whatever you think you will do cut it in half. You are far more ambitious in your imagination than you are in real life and you damn well know it.

Excerpt from Sex and Bacon Sandwiches

     The novel 'Sex and Bacon Sandwiches' doesn't exist, but I thought it would be fun to pretend that it does and to also pretend that the following is also an excerpt from that book that I chose to share with you here today.  Enjoy,

     ...Bacon sandwiches always reminded her of sex with Sebastian.  Sebastian really loved sex, but everybody knew that what he really loved was bacon sandwiches.  She couldn't even count how many times they'd had naked bacon sandwich fueled sex sessions.  She couldn't forget them either because Sebastian was great at making bacon sandwiches, and he was pretty good at having sex too.
     She still had his number in her phone and, she also just remembered that she happened to have bought 3 large packages of bacon, lettuce, and the good mayo at the grocery store just yesterday.  All she needed now was a big juicy tomato, and sexy Sebastian.  So she took her phone and texted him a sweet, but sexy. and direct message and then just sat there and waited for his reply.
     Five minutes passed before her phone beeped letting her know that his reply text had finally come.  She could feel the excitement rise in her as she opened his message.  It was just a simple reply.  Only 3 words, it said "who is this?". 
     Her excitement grew deep in her loins as she replied, "It's me silly, Briana, remember we used to eat all those bacon sandwiches together naked.".  Satisfied with her coy reply she hit the send key.
     Ten minutes later her phone went off alerting her of a new text from Sebastian.  She rushed right off the toilet to go grab her phone so she could read his reply.  Again it was just a short and sweet message,  only 3 words, "You have bacon? ".  Her nipples swelled and hardened as she replied that yes, yes she did.  She had plenty of bacon.
     Not even a full twelve seconds passed before her phone chimed with his reply.  "On my way, just took a Cialis so, heat up the griddle."...

     I imagine that if that was from a real romance novel a whole lot of sex and bacon sandwiches would be just a few pages away.  Since it isn't we will just have to pretend or, creative types can leave their suggestions below for what happens next in the comments.  See you next time I make something up for us to share here.