7 Amazing Life Hacks For When Bitching And Moaning Have Failed You
It's happened to us all once or twice. You are wherever you might be, doing whatever you might do there and you have to work together with one or more people to accomplish a given task. Inevitably when this happens you will most likely end up being the smartest and best person in the group and everyone else is going to be so stupid that they won't understand or even see your brilliance. No matter how hard you might try to be the bigger person nothing works. You have yelled and screamed, and even stomped around trying to help them to see your vision but no matter how many names you called them or times you've cussed them out they still just don't get it. Now not only are you not getting your task accomplished but things are now getting heated and all the sudden one stupid bitch crosses the line just like that it's decision time...
1. Calm down
First things first calm down and collect your thoughts. Ask yourself a few important questions about what is really at stake here. Where are you? Are you at work? Are there any witnesses and if so, who's side are they on? Take everything into account making sure to fully assess the situation at hand, before choosing how you will proceed. Now that you've inventoried the pros and cons of your current crisis or, in other words, if you should keep it real or back off and fall in line. If you are reading this you've probably decided to keep your cool because you are not in jail. Good then, you made the right choice. If there are witnesses and you could get in trouble you should always choose to stay rational and calm. It might seem cowardly, but it isn't and it will help you out in the long run. You have got to think, as satisfying as it would be to just lose your shit all over this smug son of a bitch, it might be more satisfying in the long run to keep paying your light bill and feeding your kids. There are many ways to clear your mind in a conflict situation and we are going to unlock the secrets and uncover the keys to this very situation right here in all of the helpful tips below. So hang in there just a bit longer and give yourself a chance to come up with a satisfying solution that doesn't end with you moving back in with your parents again.
2. Write down your thoughts
Turn to your phone immediately. By now in the argument, you should have already been live tweeting since the first stupid thing that one of your other group mates did. Get as much advice as you can from as many strangers as possible. This should help you focus your thoughts while also saying all the hateful shit you wish you were saying out loud to the dumb ass you are currently stuck arguing with. How else do you expect to get twitter followers, let alone keep them, if you don't always tweet the most important and interesting stuff going on in your incredible life? Coming up with clever and hateful shit to tweet to your followers should help you vent a little of the poison that is currently coursing through your veins, which is totally normal, just suppressed and ignored. It will either go away or become the straw that bursts the bulging aneurysm in your brain, that will eventually kill you. Either way still better than wearing orange and fighting for your jello and toilet paper. So now that you are focused, fully vented, and hopefully often retweeted, you are ready to confront the idiot before you and strive towards a amicable solution to your problem
3. Encourage an open and productive dialog
Volume is important in any discussion, but especially in a heated debate if you expect to be clearly understood so that you can get your points across, you are going to need to be heard. It doesn't do you any good to get yourself all upset yelling just because other people can't hear your words. So since we have established why communication volume in a debate is important you're ready to begin. Start by being the loudest person talking no matter how loud the others get, always be louder. If you can't be louder at least make sure to be more aggressive. Your main goal here is intimidation. You are hoping that aggressively pointing out why your way is the best and only way to accomplish whatever you are doing will intimidate the others into going along with doing what you want. This works well unless someone else in the group has a backbone. If you run into that you are bound to find yourself in a stalemate, and you can quickly get even more frustrated than you were before.
4. Count backwards from 10
Now it's time to remember your anger management counseling. If you haven't had any anger management counseling then you either do or don't need it. Either way counting backwards from ten is a good way to calm down. I will try to explain a quick calming down cheat code from my Anger Management days. Count backwards from ten making sure to breathe deeply while you count. Concentrate on your breathing and counting only, nothing else around you, till you get down to one. Then breathe out slowly and feel all the stress and tension leave your body. If you do it right you should be calm enough to react to your situation a lot more rationally. If you're still not calm yet, maybe try starting again at twenty. If I had paid any attention at all in any of my anger management courses I could probably give you plenty of other useful tips for calming yourself down, but one tip is better that no tips, and I'm pretty sure it actually might even be a real method I learned in anger management and not just something I made up. If I had ever tried it myself I could tell you if it works but, I bet that it does.
5. Walk away from the situation to get a fresh perspective
Storm out as obnoxiously as possible so everyone can tell that you are very frustrated. Make sure to slam the door and if possible even kick something dramatically but never forget to make sure to scream obscenities as loud and often as you possibly can. Your speech should be elegantly peppered with the vilest filth you can possibly work into your exit rant. This is truly your time to shine and also drive home some of your most important points. This brilliant strategy accomplishes two things right away. First, you get yourself a free little cigarette break to unwind while the morons inside scramble to figure out what they will do now that you are gone and might not come back. The second thing this does is it gives them a safe way to realize that you are right without having to be embarrassed. Now, and this is crucial, the key to a perfect storm-out is in how you end it and agree to re-enter the debate. To successfully complete a dramatic storm-out is that someone has got to come out and get you. If someone doesn't at least come outside to check on you then your storm-out has backfired and became the really cool story of how you quit your job, that joke is really only funny until your money runs out. If you go back in without someone first coming out to check on you it will make you appear weak to the herd which is counterproductive of what you are wanting to accomplish. Yes, slinking back in may keep you your job but your dignity is non-refundable.
6. Come to a compromise everyone can deal with
If none of the above life hacks and clever tricks have solved your problem by now then it most likely cannot be solved. Unfortunately from time to time this happens despite all your best efforts. When you find yourself in this type of production stalemate there is only one thing to do, just throw your hands in the air as animatedly as possible and just scream, "Fine, we'll just do it your way. I don't even care anyway its stupid.". That may seem like the opposite of the right thing to do because now you have to do what all the stupid people wanted to do which, as we stated, sucks and is totally dumb and won't work. None of that matters anymore because as we already discussed you lost the main battle, but you have not yet lost the war. The war as you will see in tip seven has only just begun. Right now though you are just preparing yourself to move on. You have to bring your rage around to understanding if you want to still have a chance of winning in the end.
7. Put your new plan into action
This part isn't all that important really, but necessary if you want to win none the less. You are going to have to go ahead and do what they wanted to do so that you can save face no matter how stupid, moronic, or retarded that may be. Remember though, having to give in to some simple bitch to save your job or stay out of a jail cell doesn't mean you have to do a good job or that you can't get some satisfaction. Your revenge for this affront to your superior intelligence will be avenged with obnoxiously obvious laziness, and plenty of smart ass and viciously passive aggressive comments the entire time you work on the task at hand, and if it was serious enough for however much time afterwords just to teach these fools what happens when they take you on head to head so that maybe they will think twice next time.