The Jones are your average couple. They go to work, watch the news over dinner, and go to church every Sunday.
Lately, Mr. Jones has been falling asleep during the sermons. This concerns Mrs. Jones as she finds it disrespectful of the pastor and of herself.
So, one Sunday, Mrs. Jones goes up to the pastor after service is over and asks for advice.
"Father," she says, "my husband keeps falling asleep during your wonderful sermons. I'm very troubled by this behavior."
"I have noticed this, my child." He responds.
"Is there anything we can do to keep him from setting a bad example?" Mrs. Jones asks.
The father ponders for moment, and is suddenly struck with divine inspiration. "I've got it!" He says as he runs to his office. Moments later, he returns with a safety pin. "Take this pin, my child, and keep it with you during service."
Mrs. Jones takes the pin and asks, "What will this do to help?"
The father replies, "As I am on the podium, I can see whenever your husband begins to nod off. When I notice this happening, I'll make a motion." He moves his hands in a broad sweeping gesture. "I want you to give him a poke in his side when you see me make this gesture. He will wake up but no one will know that he was ever asleep!"
"Wonderful, father! Thank you so much!" And with that, Mrs. Jones went home, excited for the next sermon.
The following Sunday, the Mr. and Mrs. Jones head to church. The sermon begins and, like clockwork, Mr. Jones begins to nod off only minutes later.
The pastor, noticing this, asks to the congregation, "And who is our Lord and Savior?" He motions with his hands, Mrs. Jones pokes her husband with the pin, and he jumps to his feet exclaiming "JESUS CHRIST!!!"
"Correct, my child!" The father says while smiling at Mrs. Jones.
Mr. Jones sits back down feeling sore and listens to the sermon. But, only fifteen minutes later, he's nodding off again.
The pastor notices and asks the congregation, "Who is the divine will and creator of life?" He motions with his hands, Mrs. Jones jabs her husband, and he jumps up screaming "GOD IN HEAVEN!!!"
"I am happy to see such enthusiasm!" The pastor says.
Mr. Jones returns to his seat and is now suspicious of what's going on. He focuses as hard as he can on the sermon while checking over his shoulder every so often.
The congregation, perhaps encouraged by the 'enthusiasm' of Mr. Jones, is getting quite engaged with the sermon, and the pastor is feeling extra Godly. He's gone completely off his notes and is giving a riling sermon, perhaps his best in years! The congregation is cheering and clapping and singing, and the pastor is so involved and fired up that Mrs. Jones can't tell when he's signaling her or not. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, she still keeps stabbing her husband every time she thinks the pastor is motioning to her.
In this midst of this uproar, the pastor exclaims to the crowd, "And what did Eve say to Adam as she bared him their 99th child?!?" He motions with his hands, Mrs. Jones stabs her husband, and he leaps to his feet shouting "YOU STICK THAT GODDAMNED THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!"
"Correct!" Shouts the pastor.