The secret ingredient to any holiday dinner is sitting across the dinner table from a father-in-law who cannot stand you and doesn't respect you. Nothing brings out the flavor of your holiday meals like large amounts of disapproval and guilt. For maximum flavor and enjoyment of the meal you really need to feel unwelcome and completely unwanted. You need to feel as though you should have paid to sit down, and are even unsure if you are sitting in the right spot. If you aren't staring longingly at the kids table, wishing you were over there, that turkey just won't taste right.
There are a lot of people who don't know this secret to perfect holiday meals, and those people are called single. Single people are lucky in their own ways, but until you've eaten mashed potatoes and gravy while an angry father stares daggers at you because your having sex with his daughter, you haven't had mashed potatoes and gravy. Hell, I can't wait for my daughter to get married so I can show some sad sap how guilt and shame really spices up those holiday meals. It's my hope that I will find out that those fatherly feelings of rage, and disapproval will show me a whole new level of holiday flavor.