Elitists and how to care for them

     If our society has taught us anything it's that rich people are simply just much better and far more important than us lazy, mostly toothless, uneducated poor people.  We underachieving 99% should know this by now, no matter how slow we may be.  Movies, television, and magazines tell us everyday yet, some of us still just don't seem to understand what our role in society is here at the bottom.
     Well, I'll tell you what our role as the poor is - our role is to care for the rich like they need and deserve.  We need rich people in a capitalist society so we better learn to care for them or they just might take their money to foreign countries, who know how to respect and care for elites, just like they have already taken most of their jobs.  So, buck up Americans, we need to respect our rich, and learn to love the scraps they give us to live on because, they don't even have to give us those scraps, they are just better than us, and that is just how it is.

     We all know that the rich need loads of money.  It is our job to supply them with that money by brainlessly buying the crap and services they sell us.  Mostly, we do this just fine but, the rich need more than money.  To help us to learn to treat our rich the way they need us to I'm going to focus on the care of a few groups first...

     Doctors - In addition to loads of money from overpriced services, doctors need to consume large amounts of your time.  The more of your time a doctor can waste the healthier and happier he/she will be.  Give your time freely to doctors, without complaint, and they will thrive and multiply.

     Celebrities - Celebrities may be the most important rich people of all because, they remind us constantly of how small and insignificant we all truly are.  Since this group is so important, it goes without saying, they need the most attention.  But, attention alone isn't enough, celebrities also need constant praise.  We usually accomplish this by giving them many useless awards in extravagant ceremonies where they get to parade down a long red carpet like the royalty they are.  But, in addition to this, any time you see a celebrity you should follow most teenage girls lead at a Justin Bieber concert and, just lose your fkn mind.  This will let the celebrities know they are loved and keep them happy.

     Lawyers - The lawyer is a complicated beast.  All lawyers require a lot of money and fancy cars but what they truly need even more than that is human misery.  To a lawyer grief, and pain are like vitamins, and minerals.  When a lawyer gets to inflict maximum carnage upon humanity and happiness they grow fat, pompous, and happy.  But, without it they will die.  We must care for our lawyers and sue each others pants off, cheat on each other constantly, and break up our families with painful divorces.  This will help the lawyers and keep them healthy by supplying the agony and suffering they need to survive.

     I hope this has helped you to better understand these groups of wealthy, important people a little better.  Tune in next time when we talk about the proper care of trust fund kids, entrepreneurs, and CEO's.