How to win the lottery,

Everything is gonna be OK y'all. I have it all figured out. I don't even know what took me so long.
I know what I'm gonna do with my life...

I am going to win the Lottery

 

Thats it. That's my plan. Your looking at a future Lottery winner right here. All my problems are now solved.

It won't be easy though. It takes hard work and dedication. The big change I'll hafto make right away is to play it. Can't win if you don't play and I'm in it to win it so I'll just hafto make some changes to prepare for my millions.

 

They say it takes money to make money and I'm out to make millions and thats not gunna be cheap so as any smart future Lottery winner will tell you the lottery has got to come first.

 

Stomachs grumbling? Buy Lottery tickets. Car broke down? You guessed it Lotto. And you can't forget the Cigarettes and Beer either. You wanna be a winner you have got to live the winner lifestyle. Also, throw out that toothbrush immediately. What if you pull your scratch-off muscle doing something as silly as brushing your teeth.

Since we've established that the lottery comes first your probably saying Shawn, there are a lot of different ways to play the Lottery so, how do I decide which way to play it?

Well, thats easy, theres only one way. You gotta play it all. Any game or scratcher you don't play is one you just lost at. Thats how they get you by offering more games than anybody could possibly play.

 

Well, that is anybody with messed up priorities but, not us true winners.

 

You wanna win you do what you have to do. Work three jobs if necessary to support your Lottery investment. Because once you win your money it will all pay off and then some. So scrimp and scrounge and play em all. Every game. Remember you gotta play to win baby

Plus, as I said before, your gunna need your Beer and Cigs to play effectively?

How do you free up the money? Simple, you got to cut food completely out of your budget. You don't really need it, and if you want to win you have got to make sacrifices.

Beer is just like a protein shake and healthy as an apple and cigarettes can kill those silly food cravings letting you focus on picking your numbers.

 

Now the tough but important step, picking your numbers.

NEVER let that machine pick your numbers, thats for suckers.

Every true winner knows that a machine also picks the winning numbers and its common knowledge that all machinery is connected through the wizardry of electricity.

 

Do you really think that machine wants to lose to a human? Hell no it doesn't! Everyone knows how much pride robots have so you bet your tooth its gunna cheat. Thats why your numbers have got to be "Human Picked" its the only smart way.

Also, don't worry that the numbers go above thirty because the robot never picks those numbers there just in there to trick the suckers. Every real winner knows that robots hate numbers above 31.

Thats it. Thats how I'm gonna do it and since I'm so great I told you how too so you can do it right along with me. So unless your scared of winning play with me and pretty soon we will all be filthy rich Lottery winners.