7 Things You Need To Know If You Have A Penis

     If you're roughly half of the world's population you have a penis. First of all let me sincerely say congratulations. Having a penis is great. Things are going to be great for you in life with that penis of yours but, I am hoping to make it just a little but greater. As awesome as having a penis is it does have a few downfalls. The biggest of which would have to be lack of penis education and wiener training. I aim to fix that here today with my list of 7 things every wiener slinger needs to know about your beautiful peni.

1. Zipper Safety

     Zippers are a constant threat to your peni and balls. As long as you are careful when you are operating zippers especially when free-balling you should be OK. If something does go wrong though and a zipper injury occurs stay calm. Examine the situation and assess the damage. Develop your exit strategy from the zipper if you are engaged in the teeth of the zipper. Go for help only if absolutely necessary, otherwise self treat your wounds. Be careful to not use alcohol because it will burn like a motherfucker if you do.
     Bottom line here is be careful around zippers because things can go very wrong very fast. I try to wear sweat pants as much as possible but if you're fancy be careful. I recommend always wearing boxers if you wear zipper pants a lot. Make sure they are the kind with a secure wiener flap because sometimes your willy can slip out the wiener slot and that can be a recipe for penile disaster.

2. Condoms

     Condoms are terrible. Vaginas feel amazing and condoms stop your penis from feeling the vagina. Condoms do however stop babies and babies are expensive and a huge commitment when all you want is sex so you may want to wear them. If you do wear them don't go cheap, buy the good ones. Get glow in the dark ones if you can because they are neat. No matter what condom you choose it will feel like you are wearing a condom so don't believe any of the advertising bullshit that claims otherwise. They all suck.
     Just get a name brand condom that you like and roll it on your penis when it is hard and ready for sex. Have sex like you normally do just with far less pleasure. On the plus side you will probably last a little bit longer because it doesn't feel amazing anymore. That is like the only positive thing except for stopping babies and all. One more pro condom tip is if you get condoms that are a little too tight it kind of acts like a cock-ring. Anyway glow in the dark is super cool so get those.


3. Peeing

     Peeing with a penis is usually done standing up and that has worked well. I do it. It works nicely but you know what else works and is nice too? Sitting down to pee. It is as awesome as it sounds like it is. Especially in the dark because you don't have to aim it so you can stay mostly asleep while you pee. I love it, I do it all the time. It's not only comfortable it also gives me time to check my emails and catch up on my phone games.
     I recommend peeing sitting down to everyone and I hope that you'll try it. Don't not do it because you think its feminine to pee sitting down. That's bullshit for one and for two woman can pee standing up too they if they wanted to too they just don't. Try it out, I promise you will like it. If you do, thank me later. If you don't, I'm sorry.

4. Maintenance

     You have got to take care of your penis. Make sure it is dry and comfortable. Check on it regularly to make sure penile conditions are optimal for your little buddy. If your penis is at any time uncomfortable correct the situation immediately if not sooner. A happy wiener is an effective wiener.
     If you aren't sure that you are maintaining your penis like it needs ask yourself this, 'Is my penis happy?'. If the answer is yes, good job. You have a well maintained penis. If you answered no, it's OK. Things can be done to get a happy wiener. You jut have to commit to change and make things better for your penis.
     If you take good care of your penis with proper penile maintenance your penis will preform better for you when needed and it will pee stronger streams too. You will be amazed once your pemis's true comfort has been attained and its true potential unlocked. All the hard work you had done taking exquisite care of your wiener will be well worth it in the end.

5. Grooming

     You really should groom your balls bush. For one it makes your penis look amazing and for two it makes it look bigger. Quite frankly a weiner is unhappy and incomplete if it is left ungroomed. So groom your wiener patch. I prefer mine shaved bald but you may want a particular style. It's OK to be original in your penis grooming. Be yourself, let your personality shine through in your wieners hair design. Just make sure you keep up on the grooming. If it starts to get shaggy groom that shit up nice. You're gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it.

6. Cleaning

     Wash your wiener. It goes without saying that a clean wiener gets more attention than a dirty one. Use soap and a clean rag and really scrub your wiener, balls, taint, and butt regions thoroughly. Do almost too good of a job scrubbing the under satchel area in particular. When you are satisfied that you have scrubbed it well give it a second scrub and then rinse until balls are soap free.
     If you do all of that your wiener will be cleaner. If you want to go the extra mile in penile care you can let your satchel air dry and then apply lotion to entire penile region. You can also powder before putting your drawers on if you want to. Lotion and powder are nice but they aren't necessary, just extra you know, for special.

7. Proper Use

     Learn to use your penis properly. This is harder than it sounds because a penis sounds so easy to use. It is and it isn't. It's easy to use a penis but it is difficult to use a penis well. It takes dedication and years of learning and training. One cannot truly become a cock master without years of study and hours of experience. It took me 39 years to master my penis's full potential. It might take you 50. I don't know, I'm not you, I am me. The point is learn to use your penis properly to maximize your enjoyment of it.
     Find a trainer and begin your training as soon as you can. Pick a good penile school and check the credentials of your instructor. Once you are satisfied with your cock master your training can begin. If you intend to train yourself you can buy my book once I finish writing it and I will share all my secrets with you there. After you train you will find that your penis's true potential and power were hidden from you all along. From then on you and your penis will know true happiness.