Since I'm broke, and my significant other thinks its more important to have things like shelter and food, I've had no Internet for a little while. As you can probably imagine, having no Internet access makes writing jokes on the Internet for you guys a little hard to do, which explains my nearly five month absence from this wonderful comedy blog you all love so much.
I'm back now though and I just want you, my loyal readers, to know that I understand how hard that the time you were deprived of me and my funny words that you cherish must have been for you. It must have been a living nightmare for you to have to trudge through existence without me here to brighten your day and make the endless shit-storm which is daily life tolerable and worth living. Just the mere fact that you made it through what must have been the worst months of your lives is a true testament to your strength and resilience in times of great personal loss.
I'm incredibly proud of each and every one of you, and I'm so sorry I had to leave you alone for a while but I'm back now. Everything is going to be okay again so slowly take the guns out of your mouths, wipe away those tears, and put those suicide notes away for another day because your supply of funny has returned.