7 Items You Need To Have In Your Wallet

     I don't remember anyone ever teaching me about my wallet. I have tried and I can't remember a single soul ever teaching me anything about my wallet at all. I think that's really weird. It does explain why it took me so long to master the wallet though but it just doesn't make much sense that no one ever took me aside to explain my wallet to me. I decided that young men need someone to really teach them about their wallets how to unlock it's secrets. I decided boys needed a role model to look up to who knows what's important in a wallet and what isn't. I decided that man would be me so I wrote this. If you are reading this let me first say, congratulations on your new wallet. They are really very cool and I know that you are excited so we will get started right away with my 7 wallet essentials.

1. Money

     Money is probably the most important thing to keep in your wallet. Money is probably even the reason that you have a wallet. I know that it's mine. When I started getting money the first thing I did was get a wallet. Obviously, the more money you can put in your wallet the better. You want people to know that you're paid. It has been proven by science that girls like guys who are paid so try to look well paid.
     If you don't have much cash you might be wondering what you can do to look more paid. Well, there are a few secrets that I can pass on to you like put your largest bill on the outside of your roll. Make sure to pack your cash roll with as many ones underneath that big bill as you can and you will look well paid even though you're not at all. 

2. ID

     ID is important to have in your wallet at all times but it's not important that it's actually your ID. It only matters that it can pass for your ID if need be. ID comes in handy if you want to buy alcohol or God forbid you have to deal with cops. They also help if you happen to get so stoned that you forget who you are. If you do more of the former than the latter get yourself a fake ID. It's always best to give cops a fake ID. So, make sure you get a quality fake ID before you do some illegal shit.

3. Credit Cards

     Again, like ID's, credit cards don't have to yours necessarily either. Credit Cards are like money that's plastic and smart. They feel like magic but they are not. Even though it feels like pretend the money you are using with those cards is real. If you use someone else's credit cards though all that changes and they do become magic. You just have to be careful because if you use too much magic it will alert the cops that you are stealing magical money.

4. Lucky Condom

     Hopefully you have a lucky condom. If not you can go out and buy one, get it blessed by a gypsy, and pray on it but you absolutely must have a lucky condom in your wallet. No one ever tells guys about the lucky condom. Sure you've heard it referenced in movies but no one ever actually shows you why you need it or even how you get one. All that changes today. First you get a condom, just remember to get a condom for the dick you want to have, not the dick you have. You can't expect to achieve growth unless you commit to it. Second take it to a gypsy and have her bless it. Pray that she was a real gypsy and that she actually blessed it and didn't curse it. You do not want a cursed gypsy condom anywhere near your dick. 3rd you put it in your wallet till needed.

5. Cock-ring

     This makes the wallet bulkier for sure but trust me, you cannot beat a good cock-ring in a pinch. And it's like my grandma used to say, "It's better to have a cock-ring and not need it than to...", well y'all had grandma's, you know the rest of it. Anyway, get yourself a quality ring that can stand up to life inside of your wallet. You want durability if you expect it to stand up and be able to preform when needed. I personally would go with a leather or rubber ring but, you do what you want.

6. Band-Aid

     Any kind will do. Brand isn't even all that important on this one either. Extra points for cool and original Band-Aid's though. Girls like cute things wrapped around fingers. Weird, but true. Get a cute or regular band-aid and put it in your wallet and you will look all prepared and fatherly if you get to use it in front of her which will get you laid.
     When you have a penis getting laid is a really good thing so cute band-aid's are a small price to pay to help towards what is essentially a wieners ultimate goal in life. Plus it's just fucking handy to carry band-aid's in your wallet. If you need a band-aid it's cool knowing your so awesome that you already have some in your wallet.

7. Bail Bonds Business Card

     If you are going to have fun you might get arrested. If and when you do you should already know your bail bondsman. If you don't it's OK because they have ads right on the jail phone but it helps to have a relationship with your bail bondsman. Being in jail sucks really bad so getting out is good. Just make sure you pay your bondsman on time so no Dog the Bounty Hunter kicks in your front door and shoots you with a paintball gun over a thousand bucks.

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