If you're roughly half of the world's population you have a penis. First of all let me sincerely say congratulations. Having a penis is great. Things are going to be great for you in life with that penis of yours but, I am hoping to make it just a little but greater. As awesome as having a penis is it does have a few downfalls. The biggest of which would have to be lack of penis education and wiener training. I aim to fix that here today with my list of 7 things every wiener slinger needs to know about your beautiful peni.
1. Zipper Safety
Zippers are a constant threat to your peni and balls. As long as you are careful when you are operating zippers especially when free-balling you should be OK. If something does go wrong though and a zipper injury occurs stay calm. Examine the situation and assess the damage. Develop your exit strategy from the zipper if you are engaged in the teeth of the zipper. Go for help only if absolutely necessary, otherwise self treat your wounds. Be careful to not use alcohol because it will burn like a motherfucker if you do.
Bottom line here is be careful around zippers because things can go very wrong very fast. I try to wear sweat pants as much as possible but if you're fancy be careful. I recommend always wearing boxers if you wear zipper pants a lot. Make sure they are the kind with a secure wiener flap because sometimes your willy can slip out the wiener slot and that can be a recipe for penile disaster.
2. Condoms
Condoms are terrible. Vaginas feel amazing and condoms stop your penis from feeling the vagina. Condoms do however stop babies and babies are expensive and a huge commitment when all you want is sex so you may want to wear them. If you do wear them don't go cheap, buy the good ones. Get glow in the dark ones if you can because they are neat. No matter what condom you choose it will feel like you are wearing a condom so don't believe any of the advertising bullshit that claims otherwise. They all suck.
Just get a name brand condom that you like and roll it on your penis when it is hard and ready for sex. Have sex like you normally do just with far less pleasure. On the plus side you will probably last a little bit longer because it doesn't feel amazing anymore. That is like the only positive thing except for stopping babies and all. One more pro condom tip is if you get condoms that are a little too tight it kind of acts like a cock-ring. Anyway glow in the dark is super cool so get those.